A War of Hearts – Darkness Never Ceases
by EffectingTheMasses
Summary: A war finished. A Galaxy overturned. Peace descends. But not for one man. In the dawn of a new age and the start of a new life, his past comes back to haunt him. A story of a family broken by lies and united by fear, who is Commander Shepard? What secrets has he buried? Will he finally be free? The time has come to understand what made him the man he is. And what led him here.
1. War

_**Soooooo... this is a Mass Effect story. **_

_**Just a heads up, I am obsessed with this game series. It is the most amazing thing ever invented. I have been reading fanfics for a while now, and I gotta say, some of them blow my mind.**_

_**I have always been the type to lie awake at night and think of how, if I was writing a story, would I finish it. When I had finished crying at the end of ME3 (and the whole fiasco with the endings was partially reolved). I got to thinking of what would happen next, as I am sure we all did.  
**_

_**I mean if Shepard didn't turn into a rainbow colour, where would he go from here? **_

_**But even better... where had he come from?**_

_**As a self confessed romantic gamer, any story I would come up with was going to involve a bit of Parmour, so I had that down pat. My favourite Shep, was with Ashley (don't kill me), so I had the characters. **_

_**He was Paragon, and so I had the thought pattern. **_

_**All I had to do was try to write it down, without losing hope.**_

_**So, to my immense suprise, I have developed a story in my brain, which I hope you enjoy.**_

_**If not... well, my tears were used up in the Citadel DLC.**_

_**Be warned, my first attempt at fanfic, but we all have to start somewhere right?**_

_**So... Lets go!**_

_**I own nothing**_

**Prologue**

_The door slammed and the sound echoed through the room. The sound of a child crying made him turn to face it. His brother was the source of the noise, weeping into the threadbare carpet. 'Why!' his brother wailed. He felt nothing, it was the right thing to do. He knew it was the right thing to do, but he couldn't bear his brother's screams. Unsure and hesitant he paused before, reaching down to place a hand on his brother's arm. His brother exploded from the ground, wild and angry and hit him across the face. 'ITS YOUR FAULT! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!' his brother screamed. He touched his face. Blood was dripping from his nose and onto his hand. Staining. Marking. By the time he looked up, his brother was gone._

Jarryd woke up with a start, heaving breaths in and of his chest. Everything was fine. His heart rate dropped, but sweat still coated his body. Ashley moved next to him, disturbed by his sudden jolt. He looked down at her and calmed himself. Everything was fine.

Still an uneasy feeling settled over him. He rose from the bed and made his way to the kitchen in search of a glass of water. Shepard was no stranger to nightmares; he had them a lot since the start of the Reaper War. But he hadn't had that one since before N7 training.

As he gulped down his water he walked to the large windows adorning their apartment on Earth. Construction was well underway, and all major cities on all planets were 90% up and running. A new age, they called it.

Of peace.

At least for some. Shepard found that even with the status and recognition that he and all crew of the Normandy now had, it still wasn't enough. Something was missing.

Slim hands slipped around his waist, and he felt Ashley rest her head on his back. He had woken her after all. 'Can't sleep?' she questioned sleepily.

'No' he replied simply, sighing as he turned in her embrace to face her.

'You know, you can always tell me what they are about' she said, referencing clearly to his nightmares.

'It was nothing' he said 'just a memory'.

Ash paused and they breathed together. He could feel her heartbeat on his chest.

'The Reapers are gone Jay. They won't come back'

'No' said Commander Shepard thinking about something else, countless years ago. 'They won't'

**Chapter 1: War**

'The hospital has been fully refurbished. The equipment is state of the art, with imports and upgrades from Serrice Council encompassing the full perimeter of the...' The asari matron's presentation of the Erin Lilly Maternity Ward was impressive and extensive in detail. Needless to say, Ashley was bored out of her mind. Shepard, however was completely engrossed in the description. Might think that he can get a few key quotes for his next speech, Ashley thought unkindly.

She was not in a good mood. As far as Ashley knew before she got pregnant, having a baby was simple enough. Nine months of weird body changes, odd appetites and mood swings and then delivery. And while she could bear with the swollen feet and giant belly, she could not stand for Shepard's insistence on making a thirty page report, complete with diagrams, birthing plan.

After all, they were having a baby, not waging a military artillery strike.

But she supposed she could put up with Shepard's nervous dad jitters, if it weren't for the fact that she could see he was unwell. He never recovered completely since he was dragged out from under that mound of rubble that was once a Citadel arm While he healed miraculously physically, the psychological damage was extensive. He hid it well; no one at their wedding would have thought that Shepard was anything but alive and robust. But Ashley woke up on the nights to find him sitting at the table, engrossed in something beyond his sight. The shadows under his eyes wouldn't fade and seemed to sit there in a permanent place. She was frustrated with him. He was a model husband and dad-to-be, always there when she needed him, getting her things, listening to her. That was the problem. He never shared any of his concerns or worries with her, in fear that it would make her upset. She was more annoyed with the fact that she couldn't even justifiably be mad at him. He hadn't done anything wrong per say.

But he was making her crazy. And that's why, regardless of justification, she was going to tell him tonight just what she thought.

Shepard walked out of the hospital to find Ashley sitting waiting for him on a nearby bench.

'So what do you think Ash? Pretty good huh?' Jarryd said smiling down at her.

She smiled back, but it was drawn and weary.

'I think that the upgrades definitely add something that the last one didn't have. If they...' he paused noticing her mood.

He knelt down to face her.

'Ash? You ok?'

Her gaze pierced him for a moment making him unbalanced, but then it softened.

'Nothing to worry about Skipper' she said calmly.

Not convinced the Commander continued. 'Is it the ward? Because if you don't like it just say the word. I've already got two others lined up and ready to go and I can send the birth plan to them right now and we can see them tomorrow and it...' his rattling stopped abruptly when Ashley placed a finger on his lips. She slipped her arms around his neck and leaned in and whispered softly.

'Everything you do for me, is perfect Shepard'

She rested her forehead on his and hesitated. 'I just wish...'

'What?'

She paused. 'Nothing, I'll tell you later'

Shepard was silent for a moment and then said. 'Today was pretty exhausting, how about we go home?'

Ashley huffed, stood up abruptly and then waddled aggressively towards the skycar muttering something that sounded like '...always treats me like glass...' under her breath, leaving a bewildered Shepard behind.

Pregnancy was confusing. He never knew half the time what to do, and Ashley always seemed mad.

Everyday. At him.

He sighed, and followed her to the car. Sometimes destroying the Reapers seemed easier than managing his wife's moods.

'So how is everything on your end sis? How's the hubby treating you?' Sarah asked her voice crackling over the vid screen.

Sarah was working in restoration on Rannoch. She had followed in their mother's footsteps and had a degree in Geology. After the final battle, Sarah had helped with the recovering wounded. Somehow, she had managed to get herself on a quarian liveship. It wasn't that much of a surprise really. While the quarian's immune systems were delicate still, even after the help of the geth, they simply did not have the numbers to successfully rehabilitate their own species' wounds.

While the geth were available in large numbers, and there was little risk of infection, they lacked a certain bedside manner that recovering soldier's required. So Sarah, being Sarah, had volunteered to help. Within no time, she and one of her quarian charges were going out to see the latest vids. A hop, skip and a mass effect jump away and they were living together on _le boyfiend's _homeworld. Ashley worried that they were going to fast, but soon remembered how happy Sarah was since Jarl'Antor came into her life. She had not been this happy since Thomas had died, and Ashley wasn't going to burst her bubble.

Besides, Jarl seemed like a nice young man, with a good enough aim to shoot anyone who came near her sister with bad intentions. Shepard had teased that she only really started to warm to Jarl, after she realised he had received two separate commendations after the war. One for bravery, and the other for superior marksmanship. She just blamed her protectiveness on the hormones.

Still, Jarl was more than happy for Sarah to spend hours over the extranet with her family, despite the heavy cost. Ashley was certain that when Jarl said he would have no problem living on a human colony or Earth, something Sarah viewed as sweet, that he was actually just trying to avoid the expensive bill he was about to foot for data use. But for this consideration Ashley was grateful. Ashley needed her little sister's advice when Shepard was being a pig-headed idiot like now.

Shaking herself back to reality, she sighed at Sar's question.

'I don't know, something is troubling him, and I mean really troubling him, but he won't tell me what it is. He wakes up from nightmares. At first I thought it was from the war, but he still talked to me about those, but in the past couple of weeks...' Ashley trailed off.

Sarah was silent before she said 'And your going to... errr... Confront him? About his behaviour I mean?'

Ashley shrugged awkwardly at Sarah's doubtful tone. 'I just don't know what to do anymore Sar. He won't get help, he says he doesn't need it as long as he has me with him. He said he didn't need it when he was in hospital. It was the only time I have seen him get that mad at me. Even on Horizon.' Ashley finished.

Sarah considered her before saying. 'Just do it gently Ashley. You know what men are like, they hate it when you tell them what to do with their lives, and military husband's are even worse'

Ashley listened to what Sarah had to say, there would have been a time she would have scoffed at Sar's advice. She had grown since then.

'Thomas was terrible. Always safety this, and safety that, but not when it concerned him, it was horrible. And then when he was in trouble, he had to play the strong male. Jarl is just as bad. The amount of times he gets mad at me when I tell him to stop mixing up the dextro and amino food when he eats. He yells and eats the way he wants, but he always makes sure to label the containers when he goes away for me.'

Ashley pondered this; it was almost certainly true in Shepard's case. He had no problem making sure that she didn't use an elevator without using a safety harness 'just in case'. However, he had no trouble trying to convince Ashley to let him accept Wrex's offer to go for a boys weekend run though Thresher Maw territory on Tuchanka in a Mako that had been 'borrowed' from the human Alliance embassy on the planet.

She thought about what she could say, gently. It was hardly in her nature to be soft, and the pregnancy was not helping her patience levels. Her first obstetrician said she would feel a 'glow' in this part of the pregnancy. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much to Shepard's chargrin at her habit of sacking doctors. Doctor Chakwas was enlisted, and Ashley was under strict orders to behave with the delivery staff. Regardless of this, she would try to be gentle when she brought it up, she didn't want to force him, but she couldn't stand to see him go down this self-destructive path either.

'Okay. I'll think about it' Ashley said uncertainly.

Sarah rolled her eyes. 'You are just as bad as dad was, always doing things your own way.'

Ashley smiled fondly. She wished her dad could have met Shepard and could have been there at their wedding. Nothing would have shocked him more than seeing Ashley in a dress. Of course he would have insisted to go week ending on Tuchanka, while leaving Ashley behind in the care of her obsessive sisters. Still, she had to talk to him and what was the harm in trying it gently first.

She doubted it would work though.

'For you Madame, nothing but the best cuisine' Shepard said in a French accent while placing a plate in front of her. Shepard loved to cook as it turned out, which was a good thing considering that when the baby was born, it would have died from Ashley's attempts to feed it her 'creations', as Shepard called them fondly.

Shepard was now the resident domestic.

She looked down at her plate while Shepard tucked into his meal at the other end of the table. It looked delicious, but her stomach was in knots over what she was about to say.

'Shepard...' Ashley said while Jarryd looked up from him food at her.

She hesitated, but he waited.

'Do you remember what you told me, when we first met?' she questioned seriously.

Shepard frowned in remembrance. 'I think it was along the lines of "are you wounded?"'

Ashley shook her head, shaking away Eden Prime.

'No, I mean back on the SR-1, when you asked how I was emotionally. I opened uo to you. I told you the truth, because even back then, I knew that I could trust you.'

Shepard looked uncertain before saying slowly 'You can always trust me Ash.'

'I know I can' she quickly answered 'but the question is, can you trust me?'

Shepard answered just of fast 'Ashley, I wouldn't have married you otherwise.'

Ashley's heart skipped a beat, before she returned to the situation at hand.

'I'm not sure' she said quietly.

'Why do you think I don't trust you Ash?' Shepard questioned gently.

She paused, before taking a deep breath. Just dive in head first she thought.

'You won't get help about the nightmares' she said before studying Shepard's face.

Shepard's concern quickly changed to shock, and even faster to anger. He clenched his fork so tightly, that the metal almost shrieked. He sat there for almost half a minute, before saying.

'No'

That was when she got really mad. The way he said it, completely dismissive.

'Shepard' she said in an equally deadly tone his glare locking with hers. 'We are going to talk about this.'

He shook his head. 'I. Am. Not. Doing. It. There, we talked.' Before returning to his dinner.

Ashley sat in silence. He had never talked to her that way before. Like she was a child and not his wife. She had worked her whole life for respect, and damn it to hell, if she was going to let her stupid, annoying husband talk to her that way.

She stood up abruptly, and marched to the bedroom. She stopped at the door, and turned to face him.

'If you don't want to treat me like your wife, and talk with me, than you can sleep on the couch until this is resolved.' She said, watching his reaction. Jarryd hated sleeping apart from her, if there was anything that would make him talk, it was the couch threat.

She was not ready for the quiet anger that rolled off his voice when he stood up went to the front door and opened the door.

Turning to face a stunned Ashley he said 'You can sleep in the apartment alone as well then' before walking out and closing the door, leaving a stunned Ashley alone in the middle of a now rather empty home.

-

Tears poured down his face, while he wandered down the night strip of Sydney. Australia had recovered well from the war, and the night life was loud and rowdy on the Opera Strip. He walked aimlessly, he was still angry by the way he had behaved with Ashley. Growing up in the slums of New York, he had seen how badly treated some of the women were. Especially the girlfriends of the Reds. He had sworn that he would never treat a woman like that.

He just had just broken that vow.

But she was treading to close to a wound that had never been healed.

People, fans mostly, liked to think of Shepard as a hero. He had cured the Genophage, united the Geth and Quarians, and was helpful when destroying the Reapers.

Just a bit.

But in reality, he was still just a slum rat. And there was a reason that Shepard kept that part of his life out of the biographies.

If the people knew what he really was and what he had done when he was a child. If Ashley knew.

Shepard sighed and made his way towards a nearby hotel.

Some things were better left buried.

But never forgotten.

_**What do we think? Hmmmm? Please review, otherwise I may return to my naturally lazy state... or even worse... I may actually do some study!**_


	2. Silence

_**And here I go again with another chapter. I was quite happy with the response to the first one. In response to a review, I have decided to not change Sheps name to John. I don't know, I just have difficulty writing him out that way. That being said, he is going to look like the default male, so I hope you have no problems seeing him as it were.**_

_**So, to my amazement and personal awe, another chapter for all to read.**_

**Chapter 2: Silence**

Ashley woke up to a breath taking view. Sunlight sparkled off the water of the harbour, with the Sydney Harbour Bridge a defying insult to the period of horror that had overcome the galaxy during the war. The Alliance had somehow, managed to keep the Reapers from destroying the bridge, which had been a key component in supplying supplies to Melbourne and Brisbane, cities with active resistance bases. Sydney had also been the processing point for millions of refugees from Adelaide. The city had been destroyed entirely from orbit by the Reapers, after the Underground News Network had leaked that Admiral David Anderson had been sighted.

One day later, the city was gone.

But the Australian's had been instrumental in the restoration and recovery of Earth, with huge scale agriculture harvesting extending over the country. Due to the genetically engineered soil and crops, Australia could provide enough food, fast enough, to sustain the world.

This was one of the reasons that Shepard had wanted to move here. The centre of commerce that Australia now was, he didn't have to go far if he was needed at a meeting or a conference. Also, Shepard found that Australian's didn't have the same affinity to famous people that the rest of the galaxy did, and this allowed him to be easily accepted into most crowds.

The weather wasn't bad either.

Ashley liked Sydney. Having grown up on a patchwork of colonies, it was nice to have some sort of normalcy for a home. Although it didn't really feel like home after the chilling argument last night.

Remembering this, Ashley walked out of the bedroom, to make a quick scan of the apartment. As she thought, Shepard didn't come back last night.

What a bastard.

What the hell had happened last night? She could never remember Shepard behaving like that. Scratch that, Shepard didn't behave like that.

It was like he was a different person.

And he didn't come home last night.

Ashley became worried, very fast. She had no doubt that Shepard could handle himself on the streets. From what little he had told her about his childhood, he was capable enough to know how things worked in the cities. But Shepard was the forgiving sort. Whenever they had a fight he was always the first to cave, especially so since she was pregnant.

She sat down at the table and looked over the plates that had been left on the table since last night. Uneaten and cold. Ashley felt a chill go down her spine, and suddenly felt a stab of panic.

What the hell did I do that would make him not want to come home she thought.

He was paranoid about leaving Ashley alone. Something to do with the third trimester being a crucial time, in which stress could cause early delivery, and he didn't want Ashley to be alone if she went into labour. So the fact she was here, alone, meant that he was seriously pissed.

Ashley's guilt was quickly replaced annoyance. What right did he have to be angry, he should be begging her forgiveness, not the other way around. She was determined to make him realise just how wrong he was.

In the middle of her vindication shower, another wave of guilt hit her. Why was she so bloody stupid! Sarah was right, stupid men tried to play the tough male. She knew Shepard, she knew he was hurt, but she couldn't figure out what she had said that had made him become so crazy.

Ashley heard a knock at the door. Rushing out of the bathroom with a towel barely covering her belly, she walked as fast as she could to the door. An unusual fear entered her heart, what if something had happened to Shepard?

'SUPRISE!' Abby and Lynn yelled when she opened the door. Noticing her rather unkempt state, their smiles fell.

'Oh. My. God.' Lynn exclaimed.

'What the hell happened' Abby was always more direct than Lynn.

Ashley suddenly found herself in tears at the door, and was immediately swarmed by her two clucking sisters. Thirty minutes later, clad in a tightly wrapped blanket with a cup of tea and her sisters on either side of her, Ashley was recounting the tale of what had occurred the night before.

After she finished, Abby and Lynn didn't say anything. Ash looked up from her mug, to find the two sisters engaged in a glare war.

'What?' she demanded. She always knew when something was being hidden from her.

Abby shook her head violently at Lynn and almost lunged herself across Ashley's stomach at Lynn when she replied.

'Ash, the reason we are here... Shepard called us'

Ash stared at her for a few seconds.

'What?' she finally managed to choke out.

'He didn't say you had a fight' Abby quickly interjected. 'But he did say he was going to be away for a few days, and he wanted to make sure that you weren't left alone while he was gone.'

Ashley snarled. 'He said WHAT!'

Ashley stood up aggressively, tea mug forgotten as it spilled over the floor.

'That self-conceited jackass! He can't go and take a day off! What did he think he was doing, using one of his sick days or something!' Ashley exclaimed arms angrily pointed at Abby, who was now trying to sink into the couch to avoid being hit.

Lynn had no such fears, and was instead trying to calm Ashley down.

'Come on Ash, he was doing the right thing' she stated.

'DOING THE RIGHT THING! ARE YOU JOKING!' Ashley yelled. 'First he behaves like a complete arse, and treats me like a three year old, when I was only trying to help him. AND THEN HE GOES FOR A HOLIDAY WHILE I'M STUCK HERE LEFT TO FELL GUILTY!'

She heaved breaths in and out while, clutching her belly. She was so angry a wave seemed to pass through her.

Abby, ever the peacemaker, also attempted to calm her sister down.

'Come on Ash, he called us didn't he? That must mean that he cares right?' she probed

This statement, appeared to have the opposite effect on Ashley than what was intended.

'AND THEN HE HAS TO GO AND BE SO PERFECT!' she screeched

She continued to yell. 'As far as I am concerned, he can take his ring and put it somewhere dark. I don't want to see him, I don't want to hear from him. He can move to the Citadel as far as I care-.'

'ASH!' Abby and Lynn yelled.

'What?' she huffed back at them, but they didn't answer her and were instead staring at her feet. Annoyed at their weird behaviour, she looked down to.

Oh shit. Either the tea had spread all the way to the window, or...

She looked up at her sisters, both of whom were gaping like fish.

'Are you-' Abby questioned before floundering.

For the first time in her life, Ashley had no idea what to do.

Lynn quickly resumed control.

'Abby, call a hospital. Now. Tell them Ashley Shepard's water has broken, and we are coming in right now unless they want Galactic Hero Jr. to be a homebirth.'

After Abby rushed to the phone and set about dialing the hospital whose number had been on the front page of a thick book entitled 'Birthing Plan. Version 14' Lynn came to Ashley side.

'Ash?' she asked. She had never seen her sister in shock before.

Ashley met her gaze. A tinge of fear was in her eyes. This startled Lynn, Ashley wasn't scared of anything.

'Call Shepard' she said simply and started walking to the door of her bedroom to get her overnight bag. Lynn's concerned expression changed to one of amusement and she said in a teasing tone.

'What happened to never seeing him again?' she queried loudly.

She was lucky Ashley's attention was otherwise occupied.

* * *

_They were standing guard. It was a quiet job, simple and easy. The money was pretty good too. His brother was playing with knife he had been given on by Erik, the head of the Red's. Jarryd didn't like it that his brother had to be here. Normally he was given to worst jobs, with the worst payoff. But they needed the money that tonight would bring in for them. His brother looked haggard and drawn, he had never recovered from the Factory Incident, and had soon been drawn to the darker side of the streets and Jarryd wasn't there to keep an eye on him. He was pretty sure that Isaac had been using red sand. It broke him when he saw him stumble back into their abandoned apartment at three in the morning. He recognized the signs; their mother had died of an overdose after all. But he wanted to believe so desperately that Isaac wasn't using. That he had done the right thing. That he was a good brother._

_A noise echoed from the other side of the door and Isaac clenched his knife and jumped._

_'__Relax' Jarryd said. 'Nothing is going to come through there to get you.'_

_Isaac bristled at his brother. 'I'm not scared of anything Jarryd, especially you.'_

_Jarryd was ready to reply when the door suddenly opened and a body was thrown out. _

_The boys raised their knives at the dark figure in the doorway, but were only greeted by a dark chuckle._

_'__Chill out baby boys.' Erik drawled. 'You did your job fine. Just clean up this mess, and you'll get your creds tomorrow.'_

_'__Are you kidding?' Isaac exclaimed. 'Were not going to dump a fucking dead body!'_

_Jarryd tried to shut him up, but it was too late. Erik grabbed Isaac and slammed him against the building. _

_'__You'll do what I say rat, if you don't want to end up as body number two' he stated maliciously. _

_'__Don't worry boss' Jarryd said trying to placate him. 'We got this.'_

_Erik grunted, still staring at Isaac's face before dropping him on the ground where he landed in a heap._

_Looking down at him, he turned his eyes to Jarryd._

_'__Get it done Jarryd' he said before turning and walking into the darkness._

_Jarryd stared after him for a few seconds before turning to try and helped his brother from the ground. Isaac pushed his hand away before clambering to his feet and walking towards the body. He knelt down at the head and grabbed its arms. He paused and stared at Jarryd's prone figure._

_'__I will have never hated you more than now' he said dully. _

_His eyes were as dead as the body he began to drag into the dark._

The alarm was what woke Shepard today. The familiar beeping from his omnitool, caused him to drag his body out of the bed and turn off the gadget.

He didn't really feel like talking to anyone today.

He had called Abby last night, and asked her to stay with Ashley for a couple of days. He didn't think he could face her without either getting angry.

Or revealing far too much.

Brooding, he stood up observed the room. It was cheap, and simple. It didn't feel friendly, but he wasn't in a friendly mood after yet another nightmare. He didn't know why, but he was reliving his childhood every night and every morning he woke up chilled to his core.

Why the hell did this have to come back to him now? The war was ended and he was finally with Ashley. They were having a baby for Gods sake! And just when peace was finally within his grasp, his past had to come back to hurt him.

To hurt Ashley.

Guilty, Shepard left the room as empty as he felt.

* * *

Breakfast at the Henderson Hotel was worse than food in the navy. Shepard raised his fork and watched the gloop on the end of it, drip onto the plate. In the corner of the dingy dining hall, the vid screen was playing the morning news.

_'__Thanks Trevor for that interesting report. And now we have a rather disturbing story of a turian man, who has been hospitalised after attempting to box a kangaroo. The ex-marine was out with friends when, after an extensive drinking session, his friends apparently convinced him that they should break into Taronga Zoo and the marine was to 'talk to the pretty pet.' The marine was apparently convinced by his friend's reassurances that kangaroos were common household pets on earth. And that it would be safe to enter the males enclosure. Janet Anderfield reports._'

Shepard snorted in his gloop. He had to remember to use that one when he next saw Garrus, he wondered if he could convince him that tigers were friendly. At the thought of Garrus, Shepard's thoughts turned reflective. Tali and Garrus were still together, much to Ashley's surprise. She was convinced that they wouldn't last, but Shepard knew his friends better than Ash. He wasn't surprised when they got married. He was, though, when Tali opted to live on Palaven with Garrus. Shepard was sure that Tali would never leave her homeworld after struggling so hard to win it back for her people, but the desicion had been remarkably easy for her. She would always view Rannoch as the home of her people, but her heart was always with Garrus.

He was willing to live on Rannoch, but Tali wanted him to be close to his sister and father. After all, they had only just reconciled before the war, and there was no way that Tali wanted to deny Garrus the chance to have a good relationship with his father.

After all, she would have wished for the same.

She also felt that she could assist with the rebuild of Palaven. With her vast knowledge of tech, she was playing a vital role in the development.

Garrus had still bought her a house on Rannoch just in case. He blamed it on the buyer's market when teased about his romantic tendencies.

Distracted, Shepard didn't immediately notice a group of still drunk men walk into the hotel lobby. There were four of them, all human and all very loud. They looked like they were arguing with the receptionist. One of them made a lunge for the poor girl's shirt. The doorman and the concierge walked over and tried to usher the men out, but the leader of the group punched the doorman out.

He didn't get a chance to hit the concierge before Shepard knocked him out.

'Right gentleman' Shepard said politely to the conscious members of the group. 'Don't you think now is the time to vacate the premises?'

The men wobbled unsteadily on their feet, before one of the sharper looking ones said to him 'I don't know you... I think. But you seem to be a bit of aaaannnn asshoooolee. Come on guys. We are not gonna put up witthhhh dis guy... are we?' They all turned back to make an unsteady lean towards Shepard with their fists raised.

Shepard sighed. Why couldn't his life be boring for just one day. But then again, he had married Ashley, so maybe he didn't want dull.

After giving his statement to the police, Shepard walked out into the sunshine of the street. He didn't know what he was going to do for the next few days. He would probably spend it stressed out of his mind about how to talk to her ever again without getting killed. He was an idiot.

Frowning at the sun, he turned on his omnitool to check the time. It was later than he thought. He also had thirty missed calls.

What the hell?

Opening up the last message Lynn's face appeared.

'Look Shepard, I don't know where you are, but I am just calling again to inform you that YOUR WIFE IS IN LABOUR! If you don't want to miss your kid getting born, I would suggest fast movement to Waterbreak Hospital' she said before her voice cut out.

'Oh shit' Shepard said. He checked the time stamp of the last message.

15 minutes ago.

Shepard waved down a skytaxi. He had to get there fast, if he missed the birth... well, at least he knew he would have one kid.

Past be damned. He wasn't going to miss his future.

_**What do we think? Okay, not okay? Please review or I can not improve. I have made improvements to my overall plot thanks to someone's advice, so if you have an idea, PM or write a review. I always listen to good advice :)**_


	3. Namesake

_**What is even happening to me? I told myself that I wouldn't be able to get another chapter out this soon, but here it is. **_

_**So much motivation... What is happening to me?**_

_**Anywho, I hope you like the chapter, bit of lovey dovey, but I hope I also leave some unanswered questions for you.**_

_**Our journey continues...**_

_**(I own nothing)**_

**Chapter 3: Namesake**

It was going to be a cold night. The sun had just set, and the congregation of reporters outside of the hospital were huddling in. It wasn't quiet though, constant reports and interviews where being relayed back to the millions of viewers who were undoubtedly glued to their vid-screens.

After all, it wasn't every day that the Saviour of the Galaxy had a child.

Emily Wong, sighed at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Millions of children were being born in the wake of the Reaper War. It was encouraged by the respective governments as a way to boost the population numbers of species which had been hit the hardest in the war.

Babies were popping out like vorcha.

Emily also knew that that Shepard was hardly the man who would want this kind of attention, he valued his privacy. And even though this was a famous baby, it was still only one of hundreds probably being born right now in this city.

How did she even get dragged here? She was a well respected journalist, and had had many job offers after her profile was launched on the Citadel. She was an investigative journalist, one of the best, and she didn't spend the past year and a half after the war, documenting the corruption that had sprung up, to be doing gossip news.

But the network had wanted her on this, because the only reason she had become so wanted was because of Shepard himself. They needed their best people, the one's viewers associated with Shepard, to do the coverage.

She might of been able to stand it, if it wasn't for who had been chosen to join her.

'Wong!' Kalisah Bint Sinah Al'Jilani yelled after her. 'That was MY take. What do you think you were doing?' she demanded.

Emily rolled her eyes at her. Why did she have to be so annoying? Al'Jilani had been too busy filming segments, speculating about Shepard's so far absence from the hospital, than doing her job. While Emily's curiosity had been piqued as well, she didn't think it warranted speculation on Galactic television about a possible affair with Flight Lieutenant Moreau of the Normandy.

So Emily had just taken the shot, and filed her segment instead. She had to admit, it wasn't just because she wanted to avoid cheap journalism.

She liked the colour Kalisah's face turned when mad.

'Come on, calm down. You can't do stupid segments like that when you work with me. I have standards, and Shepard deserves more respect that what you are giving him.' She stated.

Now Bint Sinah rolled her eyes.

'Oh come of it Wong. Everybody wants to know where the dad is, and they are all reporting on it. Even Allers is asking about it. I am giving my viewers, what they want.'

Emily turned her back to her, and fiddled with her camera, annoyed at what Bint Sinah's idea of responsible journalism was.

Still... She did have a point. Shepard was known, through the entire time that his wife was pregnant, to be a rather obsessive dad-to-be. There was no way that he would miss the birth of his child, unless something big had happened.

Something a little bit bigger than Jeff Moreau.

* * *

Unlike the News's claims, Shepard was not late because of a secret love affair, because he was filming a commercial or because he was on a secret mission to Terra Nova.

He was late because he was stuck in traffic.

Shepard was fuming in the back seat of the skytaxi. How was it, in this day and age, that traffic jams still even existed. According to his ever chatty driver, at this time of the day, people were lucky if they didn't get stuck.

This particular jam was nasty. Apparently four cars had fallen off the grid and had a bad crash. Traffic control had locked out that area and were trying to fix the problem, resulting in the two hour wait for skycars heading towards the outer city.

'I can't wait to tell my kids that I, ME, drove Commander Shepard to the hospital today' the taxi man called Victor exclaimed.

While Shepard more than happy to write out autographs and talk to fans, the man's enthusiasm and his lateness, made Shepard grind his teeth.

'I mean, it must really suck for you. I can only imagine what my wife would have done to me if I wasn't there to see my kids get born' Victor rambled.

Shepard groaned. That was exactly why he needed to get to the hospital right now! He didn't need the running commentary.

Victor must have heard him because he stopped talking. Shepard felt bad, after all, it wasn't his fault that Shepard was stuck here. It was all because he had to be so bloody stupid.

If he hadn't behaved like a complete asshole, he would be with Ashley in what was the most important moment in their marriage so far. She was only trying to help him, and it was only now that he realised his nightmares must of being truly weighing on her mind, if she brought it up at all.

He looked out the window at the line of vehicles hovering. Nothing was moving and he banged his head back against the headrest. Why did this have to happen today of all days?

The radio to traffic control that Victor had, opened up on his omnitool.

Shepard leaned in to hear the crackling.

'Note... Diversion ahead at gateway 251... Will be further delays... Expected wait two hours' the radio cranked out.

Shepard groaned again and Victor looked at him with sympathy.

'It'll be alright Commander. I'll get us there' he said.

'I appreciate it Victor' Shepard managed. 'But it would be great if it could be sometime today.'

Victor chuckled while Shepard stared out the window.

'What's gateway 251?' he asked finally.

Victor answered cheerfully, happy that conversation had been opened again.

'They're maintenance platforms along the grid, if a car is in trouble, they can stop there and wait for help. Workers usually come up from the maintenance shafts.'

Shepard perked up.

'Maintenance shafts?' he questioned.

'Yeah' Victor answered. 'They connect to the slums underneath the city. Probably faster to use them than it will be in the air at the moment.'

Shepard pondered this before reaching his descison.

'Right' he said 'I getting out.'

Victor turned around alarmed. Shepard was already releasing his belt and engaging the emergency doors.

'What are you doing?' he exclaimed. 'To get over there, you would have to jump on top of the cars? What are you going to do when you fall?'

Shepard gave him a look, before opening the doors and transacting the creds to the taxi's account.

'Come on Victor' he said. 'I'm Commander Shepard.'

Victor was quiet for a minute while Shepard prepared to heave himself onto the roof of the car.

'It has been an honour Commander' he said truthfully.

Shepard paused in his examination, before turning to Victor.

'The honour was all mine Victor' he said. There was a slight pause while the driver processed receiving a compliment from the first human spectre. Then Shepard was gone pulling himself onto the top of the cab.

Shepard surveyed the top of the cars from his position on top of the roof. This would be harder than he thought with the strong wind and slippery surfaces.

Nonetheless, he was determined to do it. He could see the Gateway, it was only about one hundred metres away.

Still it was a long way down.

But Ashley needed him, and so did his kid.

With this thought on his mind, he made his first jump to the car in front.

Grasping for a grip, Shepard splayed across the roof in a spider like position Loud voices were yelling from inside to car, but Shepard ignored them and made his next jump.

By the time he reached the last car, horns were tooting loudly and windows were shaking from fists pounding on them. Shepard prepared to make his last jump to the ledge of the gateway, just as the car underneath him moved forward.

Falling off the side of the car, Shepard struggled to push himself off far enough to grab the edge of the ledge.

He managed to grab it with one hand and heave himself up. Panting, Shepard turned to look at the skycar occupants staring at him.

Standing he gave them a smile and a wave before turning and opening the shaft's door. A three man elevator ran down the length of the shaft and Shepard entered and pressed the down button. An ominous creek came from above him.

He hoped to god that the elevator was more reliable than the one on the original Normandy.

As the elevator started moving at a good pace, Shepard leaned against the railing.

The ride could have used a good conversation about immune systems.

* * *

The heavily graphitised door banged open, the omni-lock sparking from a bad hack attempt. Shepard walked out and surveyed his surroundings.

Since the end of the war, politicians had liked to portray Earth as if it had entered a new age of prosperity.

A fresh outlook towards the future.

That wasn't what Shepard saw here.

The slums looked like a sunken and grubby underground city. Refuse littered the alleyways and he had no idea where the light was coming from, but looking up, he realised that far up above him, old fashioned florescent lights dimly shone down upon the inhabitants of this underworld. At the sight of a well dressed person in the slums, the occupants of the area scattered. But by the look of the ones who remained, the slums had not been kind.

Shepard felt a flash of anger.

After everything he had seen and done in his life, poverty like this still existed. He had hoped that his past could remain behind him, but seeing this waste of life he couldn't help feel a new motivation to do something to resolve what he saw.

This was, after all, where he had come from. And these were his people.

He pulled up his omnitool, to find out what direction he had to go to reach the city and started walking.

Along his route, he noticed a number of small groups gathering around spot fires. He remembered when that was a common practice for him.

You always got the best news from the hand warming sessions.

As he turned a corner he bumped into a lumpy mass.

Just as he was about to apologise, a baby's cry attracted his attention.

The woman garbed in rags, held a baby to her chest. It looked unwashed and malnourished.

Shepard's eyes locked with the woman's. They were a dull grey, empty of life. Of spirit.

And they were red rimmed.

Shepard knew what a red sand addict looked like. He had seen two in his family, and he knew the way their eyes looked.

His brother's eyes. His mother's eyes.

He stood in shock, as the woman retracted from his gaze and shuffled off, retreating into the dark.

_His brother wouldn't stop crying. He tried to get him to calm down, but he just wouldn't stop. The blood had stopped pouring out of the cut on top of Isaac's head. Their mother always hit them when she was high. But she wasn't going to hit them anymore._

_She was lying in the corner of the room, she hadn't moved for the whole day. She had come in like usual, angry and crazy. Swinging fists. She went after Isaac. She just kept hitting him._

_Jarryd tried to stop he, but she pushed him away._

_Isaac kept screaming. But then their mother just collapsed on him._

_He scrambled out from underneath her, and crawled towards Jarryd. He tried to hide Isaac behind his body, he didn't want her to hit him again._

_But she didn't move._

_He held Isaac in his arms, whispering over his cries._

_'__I'll keep you safe.'_

_But he couldn't keep his promise._

Jarryd came back to reality, the memory leaving him reeling. He fell back against the wall, and slumped down onto the ground.

Once again, his past couldn't just stay there, where it belonged.

His reminiscing was brought to a halt, when a group of four human men walked around the corner. Before Shepard could even stand up, the men had surrounded him.

'Well, well. Looky here at this boys.' The man who seemed to be the leader drawled out.

'Looks like a little birdie has fallen from the sky, and landed in the wrong place.' He continued.

Shepard quickly assessed the situation. The four were armed with knives, no pistols. The looked to be holding them loosely, obviously not trained.

'I reckon if you give us some creds, we might just end our conversation there' the man continued with a grin.

Shepard decided the best way to handle this would be to do the unexpected.

'And who the hell might you be?' he answered aggressively standing up.

The three silent men shifted uneasily at his tone, but the talker appeared unaffected and answered back.

'Just a few members, of the toughest gang on this rock'

'And what gang would that be?' Shepard pressed.

'The Tenth Street Reds.'

The cocky smile was wiped off the man's face when Shepard quickly grabbed his knife, spun him around and pressed it to his throat.

The man swallowed at the look in Shepard's eyes. But then he was let go and stumbled back into his friends.

'What the hell are Reds doing out here? I thought they were in New York?' he demanded of them.

The men moved uneasily, they were not used to prey that attacked.

'There a lot bigger than that' one of the silent men said reluctantly.

'Yeah.' The cocky one had got some of his confidence back. 'We expanded.'

Shepard shot him a glare which made him fall quiet. He then turned back to the silent speaker.

'Where are you based here?' He questioned softly.

'Factory Number 127' the man replied uncertainly. 'We run our Red Sand base from there.'

Shepard scowled. So the Reds were the local dealers in the slums.

'Leave, before I make you' Shepard growled out.

The men gave each other a look, before heeding his advice.

Shepard looked after the sound of their footfalls.

The Reds...

He wanted to go after them, to see what the hell they were doing in Sydney. He remembered Finch saying when they met, that the Reds had expanded and moving to different things.

That was dangerous. Especially since they could hold a grudge, and his relationship with the Reds hadn't ended well.

But now wasn't the time for an investigation. A baby was being born. His baby.

Still... he would like to see if they had some information on things.

He walked for a couple of hundred metres before he came across a shaft with the sign 'Outer City'.

He cracked the lock, and entered the elevator.

He wanted to get out of this pit of memories.

* * *

Abby was beside herself. What the hell could Shepard possibly doing to take so long.

What was so complicated about driving to a hospital?

Meanwhile a bunch of idiotic reporters where standing outside the hospital, making on air comments about Shepard's absence.

Which would have been fine, if some idiotic nurse hadn't left the program on in Ashley's room.

'WHERE IS HE!'

Abby winced at Ashley's tone. Somehow, she was maintaining that she was not going to push, until the father arrived. Her doctors were desperately trying to convince her otherwise, but Ashley was in a whole other state of crazy. Between yelling about Shepard's non-presence and reciting poetry out loud, she was simply sitting with her face screwed up, deliberately ignoring her doctor's advice.

She was also kicking people out.

Lynn walked out and closed the door behind her.

'You too huh?' Abby questioned.

Lynn nodded, and Abby sighed sympathetically.

'If he doesn't turn up soon, I'm pretty sure we should schedule it for another week. Ask if they can pencil her in next week' Lynn stated frankly.

Abby couldn't agree more.

'WHAT THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS DOING!'

They both covered their ears.

'The way I see it, he better turn up bleeding, or she will never forgive him' Lynn stated plainly

Abby could only nod, before another nurse was kicked out of the room.

* * *

Shepard was bleeding.

The stupid elevator door wouldn't open when he came out of the shaft, and he had cut his hand on the rusty metal, while prying it apart.

Still, despite the fact that he was bleeding, covered in dirt and was extremely stressed, he had finally made it to the hospital.

Only to find a pack of journalists waiting outside the lobby.

Crap.

Determined to plow through them, he picked up his pace.

At first Emily Wong thought the dirt covered man was a homeless person, but after he had pushed through half of the people in his way, she realised it was Shepard.

She came to that conclusion at the same time as everyone else, and suddenly all the camera's were pointing at him.

Ignoring all the questions being thrown at him about his late arrival, he continued to bowl over reporters on his way to the entrance of the hospital.

Much to Emily Wong's delight, Al'Jilani was one of the journalists knocked off her feet.

He marched towards the information desk, and the receptionist jumped up at his arrival.

Not in the mood for pleasantries, Shepard demanded to know where Ashley was.

Spotting his unhappy expression, the receptionist offered to escort him to the room personally.

She was wise in remaining silent

* * *

Shepard marched into the waiting room making Abby and Lynn both stand up.

'What the hell happened to you?' Abby questioned eyeing his condition up.

Exasperated, Shepard said darkly 'It's a long story'

Looking around, he asked 'Where's Ashley?'

Lynn answered pointing 'She's in that ro-'

'I AM GOING TO KILL HIM'

Shepard quickly made his way through the door and to Ashley's side.

'I'm here Ash, let's do this' he said to his stressed wife.

She locked her manic gaze on him and shouted 'WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN DOING?'

Abby had to praise Shepard's courage when he calmly replied.

'Keep it for later honey. Just push now'

Ashley let out and exasperated sigh, before, finally, she started pushing.

No less than ten minutes later, and a gurgling cry filled the room.

Shepard locked eyes with his son, and in that moment his heart melted.

Tears poured down his face as he cut the cord, and turned to face Ashley who was looking with wonder at Shepard.

He walked over to her and they both cradled their boy in their arms.

A few minutes passed, before Ashley asked 'What do you think we should call him?'

Shepard hesitated before coming to his choice.

'I think... Kaidan' he said.

Ashley smiled down at the baby, before cooing to it.

'What do you think hmm? Do you like that Kaidan?' she said.

Shepard smiled into her hair. There would be no better namesake for their son.

Minutes passed before Shepard said 'Ashley, I am so sorry about being late-'

Ashley cut him off 'We are going to talk about it, and I am still mad but... for now, just make sure you are here for the next one.'

Kaidan seemed to approve anyway.

_**What are those thoughts you are dying to write down. Hit me with reviews, I beg you.**_


	4. Explosive Part One

_**I am late! I know, I know. But you guys could not believe the week I have had. Terrible!**_

_**Regardless, I am here again updating! This chapter is only part one, and be warned it is a lot of romanctic, lovey dovey. So if you like to be cute, you will probably like this! For those of you out there, who like a bit more action, Part two (coming soon!) will hold all that and more!**_

_**In regards to a review, I know that some may see Kaidan's name as cliche', and I guess it is. But for me, for a man to give his life the way Kaidan Original did, then that deserves to be immortalised. I also think that Ashley and Shepard would think so to. After all without him, none of this would be possible. **_

_**Also a big shout out to all the people sending reviews! They have been really positive and helpful. **_

_**It is great that so many people are getting into the story.**_

_**Again, all you readers out there, if you have an idea or a thought about how to make my brainchild better. Or even if you want to see it go in a certain direction.**_

_**You never know, it could end up in the story!**_

_**Okay, so without anymore delays, here is the next update!**_

_**(I own nothing)**_

* * *

**Chapter Four: Explosive Part One**

Shepard was good at compartmentalising. He had been ever since his childhood. When you grow up in an environment like that, you learn how to make things hurt less than they do.

All that anger and pain, is put in a box. And that box is never opened.

The day he joined the Alliance, it was his eighteenth birthday. It was the worst day of his life.

Some would consider this to be his acceptance of a higher calling, leading him onto his future destiny. But in all honesty, he joined the Alliance for selfish reasons. He just wanted to escape from his past.

Escape from the heartache and horror, and leave it behind him. And the day he joined, he made one of the best decisions of his life, for entirely the wrong reasons.

Of course, when the Alliance recruited in the Slums, they knew that any potential recruits would come with a whole host of psychological issues. But no matter how many times, the base psychiatrist at Arcturas tried to talk to Shepard about his problems, and the nightmares that woke the whole barracks.

And so it was against the psych's better judgement that Shepard undertook the N7 training program, but when David Anderson encouraged someone, they didn't normally refuse.

Anderson knew about Shepard's difficulties accepting his past, but he also recognized exceptional potential when he saw it. Shepard had something that most men didn't have, an ability to overcome terror, and move on from it. The fact that he refused to confront it, offered him an advantage as a soldier, even as it hurt him as a man.

The program was harsh. If you couldn't make the cut, you couldn't make the cut.

While the Alliance operated within strict parameters of how marines were treated, The Villa had no such qualms.

The head of N7 operations in the time that Shepard did his training, was quiet fond of telling them that he had never even read the rulebook of standard operational procedures.

Torture was something that was common in the N program.

As an N1, 2,3,4,5 and 6, you had to learn to be able to withstand the worst situations known to the galaxy.

As an N7, you had to be able deliver the worst situations known to the Galaxy.

And Shepard learnt how to deliver.

Amidst all the skills, training and sleepless nights they had to endure, Shepard learnt something far more valuable.

The ability to forget.

And so when he received his N7 status, and looked over the small crowd of family and friends, gathered to celebrate the other recipients, he did not feel nostalgic.

He didn't need his family, they didn't deserve to be remembered.

Surprisingly, it was this acceptance that helped him to become a better person. And on the day he defended Elysium from Batarian raiders, he could proudly say that he did it to save lives. And that the Alliance, was more than just an escape, but was his future.

Over the course of the Reaper War, from the first Normandy to the final run on the beam in London, Shepard made a new family. His friends, he knew were real.

And Ashley, she was more than he could have ever hoped for.

She gave him a purpose, a reason to strive. And she loved him. And he loved her.

But when Kaidan was born, he felt something strange and familiar in him.

The sense of duty towards his small family was a feeling he had had before, a long time ago.

Because with the nightmares of his past returning, so to had his old protectiveness.

And he felt the same towards Kaidan, that he had towards Isaac.

So when Ashley was asleep, the low glow of sunrise entering her hospital room, Shepard cradled Kaidan in his arms and whispered.

'I'll keep you safe'

He was determined, that this time, he would not break that promise.

* * *

Ashley was finally allowed home.

After three weeks in the hospital, she had put her foot down before Shepard demanded she have more rest. If she needed to rest for longer, she would do it in the comfort of her own home. Not in a hospital, which was frequently bombarded by the paparazzi, desperate to get photos of Kaidan.

Ashley also hadn't been able to talk to Shepard about their fight, something which was playing on her mind since his admittance that he was sorry. Between the two of them, apologising for their actions was a rare occurrence. But when it did happen, it was always an open invitation for a discussion.

Unless, of course, Ashley was wrong and Shepard was going to behave like a stubborn mule again.

Watching Shepard carry Kaidan around the flat, was an experience.

While Kaidan had soft hair like Ashley's, he had Shepard's piercing blue eyes. He regarded everything around him with a fierce intensity, almost as if he was plotting out all the available escape routes and defence positions in their home.

But what else could expect, from the son of two Alliance officers.

Ashley already had high hopes for her son, like any proud mother. She could see that he was highly intelligent.

He had also been confirmed as a biotic, to the surprise of his parents.

Both Shepard and Ashley had no biotic skills, they had also not requested that Kaidan be genetically modified to have the required modules to become a biotic. The doctors had quickly determined that he had not been exposed to any eezo in the womb. And they had come to the conclusion that because, in the course of their careers, both Shepard and Ashley had been exposed to so much eezo, this had permanently altered their cells, causing all offspring to have biotic abilities.

Kaidan had the potential to be an extremely powerful biotic. Another trait seemingly gifted to him by his namesake.

Shepard said he was a bit nervous by the idea of a bunch of moody, biotic teenagers, Lifting him just because they were mad. But Ashley was certain that with their experience, Kaidan and possible siblings wouldn't cause too much damage.

As Shepard settled Kaidan into the cot he had set up in the living room while Ashley was confined to the hospital, Ashley sat down on the couch.

He stroked a finger, over a now content Kaidan's head, and gazed at him lovingly.

He really will be such a great dad, she thought, even if he is an annoying husband.

With that thought in mind, she steeled herself for their second, hopefully less hormonal, talk.

Shepard turned to see Ashley staring at him with a determined look in her eyes and braced himself for the discussion that he had been dreading.

'Shepard' she started simply. 'Why did you run away?'

Unsure about how to answer, he hesitated.

Ashley, seeing his reluctance, fought down the flood of irritation that came over her. She was determined to let him tell her something which was obviously a big issue for him.

'I..' he started, and then swallowed. 'I was afraid.'

He let out a nervous laugh at her, when she attempted to hide her eye roll at his comment.

He let out a deep breath, and sat down next to her, grasping her hands in his.

'The nightmares, they were about my... childhood' he said.

Ashley resisted the urge to grip his hands tighter. Shepard never talked about his past. It was never something that came up between them before now. He was always so focused on the future, she also tended to overlook, what appeared to be a rather traumatic childhood.

She realised now, that maybe it had more effect on him then he would have ever admitted. And to be so afraid to tell Ashley...

Well, it couldn't have been easy.

Shepard was in turmoil. He didn't want to tell Ashley too much, but if he only told her a little bit he would feel like he was lying to her.

But he was lying if he said nothing as well.

'I was born in New York Ash. In the slums and you know that I joined a gang there.'

Ashley nodded; she had been there when Finch had confronted Shepard outside of Chora's Den.

'What I did... What I was...' he struggled. 'They used me. I was good at killing people. I had no family left, and I was angry.'

_A flash of hands. Shuffling feet. A knife slips in, leaking blood._

Shepard shook the memory away.

He was worse than Thane.

Ashley seemed to be absorbed in his omission, and hadn't seemed to realise that he had slipped into a memory.

'So , these nightmares, are about your past when you killed people for the gang?' She questioned.

Shepard shifted his eyes down. He had to lie.

If she knew the truth.

'Yes.' He breathed.

Ashley drew in air, before gripping his chin, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

'Shepard. When I married you. I made a vow, that I would love you know matter what. And I do. You had a bad childhood. But it wasn't your fault. You were just a kid. And the man I married isn't that child anymore, he is Commander Shepard. Nothing you can tell me about your past, wouldn't possibly make me go anywhere. My place is with you, for better or worse. I just can't believe you didn't know that already.' She finished, eyes red.

Shepard felt his eyes burn at his deception. He pulled her into a hug and held her close.

'Ashley...' he whispered to her. He felt so guilty. He still couldn't tell her, but that wasn't her fault.

'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.' Ashley's eyes returned to Shepard as he continued to recite.

'I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of every day's. Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love with a passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose. With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death'

Ashley smiled through the tears that now ran down her face.

'Elisabeth Barrett Browning?' she questioned through giggles.

He nodded, relieved that she was no longer upset.

She laughed at his puppy expression. Kaidan started to giggle as well, and Ashley rushed over to him and picking him up.

Shepard watched as she danced with a happy Kaidan in her arms.

At least the crisis was averted for now.

But Shepard knew the truth would come out, sooner or later

Ashley just knew him too well.

* * *

'Shepard! How could you keep this little cutie from us?' Tali purred as she grabbed Kaidan from Shepard's arms.

'Oh you are so gorgeous, my little nar Earth' she cooed to the baby, who was happily patting her visor. She gave a quick glance at Garrus who was regarding Kaidan with an air of uncertainty.

'Come on Garrus, it is just a baby. Who knows? We could have one soon!' she squealed before being swallowed by a crowd of William's sisters.

Garrus gave Shepard a long suffering look, before pulling him towards the distinctively male side of the room.

'So.' Shepard started with a sly grin. 'A baby?'

Garrus groaned.

'Don't you start to Shepard.' He growled. 'Tali has been pushing for adoption ever since she found out that Ashley was pregnant.'

Shepard regarded his friend thoughfully.

'I thought you would want a kid Garrus. You would make a great dad.' He said.

Garrus shot him a look, his twitching mandibles indicating nervousness.

'I wouldn't be... opposed to the idea. But don't you think that it is a bit fast?' he finished with a whisper, in fear of being overheard by a baby crazed female.

'WHAT!' Kasumi shouted from behind them.

Garrus winced at the volume of Kasumi's shout, as heads turned toward there direction.

Shepard glared at Kasumi and shushed her. The last thing Garrus needed was an argument with Tali, and he really didn't want there to be a fight it the middle of Ashley's party.

And he hardly wanted to be on the end of an argument with her either.

Kasumi continued at a bare whisper.

'What the hell do you mean, to soon? Tali's the one for you blockhead, so what's point in waiting? You've known her for years; there is nothing left to surprise you!'

Garrus' mandibles twitched together angrily and Shepard backed away, well aware that this could go on for hours.

He turned away to survey the scene.

Nearly all their friends had come to the party.

Wrex and Bakara were trying to keep some semblance of control over their kids, who were running around the entire apartment. Grunt and Sarah's partner, Jarl, were talking about killshots. Sarah, and the rest of Ashley's sisters were surrounding Tali, who had successfully retained control of Kaidan. Liara was sitting in a corner quietly talking to Miranda. Since the end of the war, Shepard had a sneaking suspicion that Miranda was Liara's new agent in the field. But so far, neither of them had confirmed his thoughts. Jack was having an animated discussion with Samara and Brynn. Brynn and Jacob had arrived at the party with their own daughter Cara, who was currently playing with one of Wrex's kids and Jacob. Ken and Gabby, appeared to be having a rather uncomfortable discussion with Zaeed, as the kept trying to extract themselves from his enthusiastic hand waving.

James, unfortunately couldn't come, he was currently on a mission to do with his N training, so he couldn't get leave. Ashley's mother also couldn't come, much to her disappointment. She had been looking forward to meeting her grandchild, but she had been urgently required to help save a mass production farm on the verge of collapse.

Searching for Ashley, he suddenly felt her snake a hand around his waist and lean in on him.

'What do you think Skipper? Not a bad turnout?' She questioned over the hubbub of the party.

He smiled down at her. He knew that she loved showing off Kaidan. She was a proud mother.

'Yeah' he replied. 'I surprised so many people came actually.'

Ashley replied with equal vigor. 'When we demand people's presence, they usually turn up Jay.'

Shepard nodded in assent, some of the invitations may have sounded more like orders then most. And people didn't normally disobey the Commander's orders.

Still, Ashley was having some reservations about the gifts the guests had brought for Kaidan.

Wrex's had been a mini-model Mako. Something he assured Ashley, could be remotely stopped. Still, if Kaidan had inherited his father's driving skills...

At least the windows were strong.

* * *

The party had ended, and Shepard stared and surveyed the damage.

Ashley's motherhood had entitled her to an exemption to all domestic duties.

Not that he would of let her poison them with her creations, but now he also had to do the cleaning.

Oh the joys of fatherhood.

Ashley herself was snoring on the couch with her hand draped over Kaidan's sleeping form.

She needed her sleep. She was taking the shuttle to Linden Vale, the new colony where her mother lived tomorrow with Kaidan, she wanted to surprise her.

It also provided Shepard with an opportunity to return to the slums. While he enjoyed his family, he couldn't let go of the burning need to find out what the Reds were doing here. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

Ashley sighed, bringing Shepard out of his thoughts and a smile stretched across his face.

He moved Kaidan to the cot in their room, before returning and picking up Ashley in his arms. She curled up against his chest and muttered.

'I love you' She whispered.

'I love you too.' He whispered back, before laying her in their bed and drawing the covers up around her.

She fell back to sleep instantly, hugging his pillow in her arms.

He went over to Kaidan's cot, and watched his child breath slowly and peacefully.

Kaidan would grow up in a different world to his. Opportunities existed everywhere and his future was bright. He would never have to fear for love, or friendship.

Kaidan, and all the children of the galaxy stood as a standing claim to the memory of the Reapers. That life, and hope would always blossom against any darkness.

His friends were building their futures. They had fought and lost alongside him, but they were ready to embrace the new order they had so hardly won.

Ashley was in her prime, he had never seen her so happy. Kaidan was a light that shined through her. He had never seen her so gentle and soft.

But for him...

He was a liar, and he was falling back into his dark place. When she left for Linden Vale with Kaidan, he would be alone.

Alone with his thoughts.

_Isaac would be outside The Swinging Dreadnaught Club, he always got high with his friends there at night. Jay walked up to the familiar slumped figure. The bass of the club pounded through Jay's blood, and he felt a sense of anger. _

_Isaac raised one lazy, bloodshot eye towards him, and a sly smirk crossed across his face. _

'_Come to take me home bro?' he slurred out._

_That was always the routine. He would find Isaac, and bring him back to the apartment. Then he would go on a job, and when he returned, Isaac would be gone again. Leading Jay on a chase to find him._

_Usually Jay felt guilty, he knew he was the reason that Isaac was an addict. If he had never done what he did, then this would never had happened._

_But Jay was sick of feeling guilty, and could feel the anger begin to consume him._

_After months of working with the Reds, he had developed a callous too thick for Isaac's bullshit._

_He had had enough._

_And with that thought, he spat out a curse._

'_You disgust me.'_

_Isaac moved surprisingly quickly and grabbed Jay's arm._

'_What the fuck? I fucking disgust you?' He yelled._

'_Get. Your. Fucking. Hand. Off. Me.' Jay demanded coldly._

'_Why?' Issac screamed. '_

_Why the fuck should I do what you say? It was YOUR FAULT! YOU WERE THE ONE TO MAKE ALL THIS FUCKING HAPPEN! YOU COULDN'T JUST LEAVE THINGS THE WAY THEY WERE! YOU SELFISH SON OF A-' _

_He was cut off by Jay's fist's contact with his face._

_He looked shocked as he stumbled back and fell down._

_Jay loomed over him and a look of fear cast over Isaac's face._

'_Don't blame me, for doing the right thing.' He said, before striding away into the street._

_That night he moved his thing out of the apartment._

_And that night, was the last time he ever saw Isaac._

Shepard returned to the room. A silent tear ran down his face.

He faced the next few days with a renewed determination.

He was ready to confront his past.

_**So, what are those review you are dying to write? Any questions at all. As I said, I welcome reviews.**_

_**I promise, part two will be out soon...**_


	5. Explosive Part Two

_**And I am back. **_

_**I officially hate technology, exams and all sports referees.**_

_**They all stink, and ruin my writing capabilities.**_

_**And the all caused delays to the chapter.**_

_**REGARDLESS! I deliver you... Part 2! **_

_**Thank you all for the reviews, keep them coming!**_

_**I own nothing**_

**Chapter Four: Explosive Part Two**

Ashley gazed around New Linden with fascination.

Before the invasion, the colony had been on the cards for a new grand scale development. A vessel had been exploring along the rims of the Argos Rho System, when the came across a previously unexplored cluster. Three worlds were unique, due to the fact that they all had environments and soil supportable for both dextro and levi base organisms. Ranhe Corp, the company funding the original expedition, had made plans with the Turian Heirachy and Alliance, to venture a joint colonisation project for the three planets; New Linden, Exec and Daphresh.

However, due to the invasion and immediate fallout of the war, the company decided instead to change its plans regarding colonisation. It had, instead, made a massive joint approach to the New Alliance, The Hierachy, the batarian's, the quarians and geth, the elcor and the hanar species reflectively.

Much to the media's surprise, all governments had approved settlement. And so, the first multi species colony were formed.

New Linden was by far the biggest of the three colonies, and Ashley's mother Madeline, decided that for the remander of her life, she wanted to do some good by creating a new future on New Linden.

It truly was amazing, Ashley thought. All around her mother's home, new families were prospering. Ashley had already met her mother's neighbours. The Gretos's, a drell family on the right of her mother. The Haseeva's, a quarian family on their left. And behind them, was the inter-species couple, Wekrin Vaktrin, an ex-turian militant, and Urdnot Kranik, a krogan battlemaster who had decided to live with Wekrin on New Linden, rather than return to either of their homeworlds that still shunned their relationship.

All in all, New Linden was an embrace of all culture's and all attitudes.

Ashley would have thought that her mother would have difficulty living in a place with so many alien's and controversial relationships. Madeline was a sworn Christian. No matter where the family was, Jump Zero or a traverse colony, she had always managed to find a chaplain, and make the family attend every Sunday, earth time.

But in the week that Ashley had stayed with her mother, Ashley had seen a side to her mother that she had never known was there.

She was still a devout Christian, but she believed fundamentally that love was the basic tenant of the bible. The fact that her neighbours were alien's and homosexual, didn't seem to bother her.

When Ashley had questioned her about her open friendliness, she had answered just that.

'And besides Ashley, I'm not really sure it counts as a gay relationship. Plus they are great members of the neighbourhood watch!'

Ashley shook her head as she sat on the front porch watching the sun go down over the lazy summer eve. She never could have imagined that this could be her. Not only had she let go of the past xenophobia that seemed to haunt her family, but the galaxy was now in such a state.

Of course she knew that not everything in the galaxy was as perfect as New Linden. But if this one colony could represent such a great blend of everything Shepard had fought for...

It gave her hope.

Kaidan squealed in her arms and she smiled down at him. Of course Kaidan was the most beautiful baby that had ever existed. He was the best thing she had ever done, and could honestly say she would give up anything for him.

Both her, and Kaidan, were missing Shepard though.

He hadn't called them since their second night here, and she missed the sound of his voice. She wasn't worried about his lack of contact. Communications on New Linden were still sporadic, and it was difficult to get real time video with the colony.

But still... something lurked at the back of her mind.

Ashley was not a fool. She knew when she was being played, and Shepard was definitely hiding something from her. He had had more nightmares since their reconciliation and, unlike before, he was willing to talk about them. But when they did, he always seemed to have a layer of deceit over what he told her, as if he was hiding something.

But he seemed to be a lot happier. She had never seen him with as much joy as now. It was if he had some sort of new determination within him.

But the shadows within him still seemed to lurk.

Interupted in her musings by the return of her chattering mother, she had returned from the local store with Kreel'Haseeva. The teenage boy next door, had kindly offered to carry her mother's grocery's, but looked to be a bit overwhelmed by Madeline's overmuch of information.

'...and that's when I said, Shepard, you may have saved the galaxy, but there is no way you are marrying my daughter unless you know how to cook a good casserole.'

Ashley blushed. The story of how Shepard had to earn her mother's permission to marry Ashley, was one Maddy liked to repeat often to everyone she met .

Much to Ashley and Shepard's embarrassment.

The pair, laden with bags, walked past Ashley her mother with barely a glance at her.

Kreel shot Ashley an apologetic look as he followed her mother into the kitchen.

Ashley groaned at her mother's antics. While her mother was quiet proud to have Shepard as a son, she seemed to be more impressed by his cooking skills, than his diplomatic ones.

Ashley entered the kitchen to Maddy's continued rambling.

'... and when I took my first bite, I just knew! I said to Ashley, don't you let this one go! He can cook!' Maddy exclaimed.

Kreel gave Ashley another incredulous look while Maddy muttered to the butter and lettuce. Ashley shot Kreel a grin, and averted her eyes when he turned bright red. The atmosphere of New Linden was friendly enough to allow quarian's to live without their suits. Unfortunately for Kreel, this new freedom also offered them exposure in other ways and made it difficult to hide body language.

Particularly for those that had crushes on the wife of Commander Shepard.

Ashley retuned her gaze to her mother who was now shooing Kreel out the back door, with a piece of dextro friendly candy in his hand. He shot Ashley one last look, before the door shut behind him. Maddy turned, and gestured for Ashley to sit down at the table.

Maddy placed a cup of tea in front of Ashley, and gave her a good hard stare.

Ashley, used to her mother's odd behaviour, chose to ignore her by fiddling with Kaidan's toy.

'Righto kiddo! What's up?' Maddy demanded with a slightly crazy glint in her eye.

Ashley put on an innocent face, which caused her mother to erupt with laughter.

'C'mon Ashy. Don't try to play that game with me! I know you too well for that nonsense.' She stated between giggles.

Ashley slumped and resigned herself to a long conversation.

'It's Shepard.' She said.

Maddy was silent, and then motioned with her hand for Ashley to continue.

Ashley explained the situation for a few minutes, and then stopped and stared at Maddy's unusually silent face.

Maddy looked thoughtful, before asking Ashley a question.

'I know our family was hardly as crazy as yours Ash, but your father had his fair share of problems.'

Ashley looked surprised and Maddy continued nodding at her reaction.

'Oh yes, we had our problems. I remember one time, when your father came back for a rotation, you and Lynn were the only two born then. He was beside himself, the company he was in had run across a nasty raid and a lot of the members were seriously injured. Your father tried to save one of the men, but he refused to be treated. He told your father that he couldn't trust the son of a traitor. The man died before they reached the base'

Ashley sighed. It was a long time before the stigma of being a Willams had rubbed off their name. Sadly, her father had never lived to see it.

Maddy continued.

'Of course the trauma had a horrible effect on your father, he wouldn't even tell me what had happened until I asked a friend in his unit. Typical man. Wouldn't accept help from anyone, least of all me. He didn't want to seem weak.'

Ashley nodded this seemed very similar behaviour to Shepard's.

'What I am saying, Ashley, is that you are exactly like your father.'

Ashley's head whipped up at that, and gave her crazy mother a look.

Maddy laughed again. 'No Ashy, you really are just like your dad! You keep all this stuff locked up inside you, and you never tell anybody! But just like your dad, you are too honest for it to stay in there for long. But Shepard's not you honey. Don't give me that look, I know your husband is a good man. But he has secrets as well as would any person with a history like his. He has been through a lot, and he must have learnt how to hide it. Even from you.'

Ashley stared at her mother. She shouldn't really be surprised, her mother had a rare insight into people's souls. She was an excellent judge of character.

Maddy stared at Ashley's troubled face and made a fast conclusion.

Her girl needed a break.

'You are going out tonight my dear' she exclaimed while viciously bobbing her head up and down.

Maddy quickly rose and grabbed Kaidan out of her arms before Ashley could object.

She quickly poked a dazed Ashley into rising, tossing her a handbag and a keycard to the house.

'OUT! Out you go!' she said loudly prodding Ashley out of the door.

Maddy closed the door, and Ashley could hear the omni-lock chiming.

'AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU HAVE RELAXED!'

Ashley stared at the door, shell-shocked by her mother's behaviour.

As a few minutes passed, a grin came over her face and she turned to walk down the street.

Maddy watched from the window, and smiled fondly at her eldest daughter.

Kaidan gurgled in her arms, a grin of his own stretching over his face.

She laughed at his reaction.

'We'll be running rings around her yet Kaidan!'

* * *

Ashley was having fun.

It had been a long time since she had had time to herself. While she adored Kaidan, and he was well behaved, he still required her attention all the time. Plus it was nice to be away from everything.

New Linden's capital Omaha, was holding a festival, in honour of the third year since the defeat of the Reapers. It was a massive stewpot of culture, and Ashley had tried more new foods than she had eaten in her whole life. She even managed to get copies of some recipes that she knew Shepard would love to cook.

Or at least, she would love to eat again.

She was sitting by a food court, on a table overlooking the valley that Omaha was settled in. It was so peaceful at night, the stars twinkling above and families laughing.

A group of New Alliance marines walked into the court, and milled around laughing.

Ashley missed the military. She loved being a mother, and living her life with Shepard, but there was still a comfort in the military that civilian life didn't offer.

She felt as if she had a purpose, and a duty to something bigger than herself. Of course, she didn't have to prove that her name was worth something anymore, but even when she was in the pits of despair about never being promoted, she felt that determination.

Taking Shepard's name, had not been a hard decision. She could think of no better way to honour his love. But now that she was, Mrs Commander Shepard, nobody expected anything from her.

Which was rather annoying.

And though she loved him, her mother was right. She didn't know anything about his secrets. He knew the history of the William's family, she didn't know the history of the Shepard's.

'_SeñoraCabezón_! What are you doing here?' a shout interrupted her musings.

She looked up to see a familiar grinning marine, looking down at her with a pint of beer in one hand.

Before she could react, James put down his beer, and lifted her up into a bear hug.

'James...' she wheezed out 'Can't breathe!'

'Oh, _Mi culpa_.' He said placing her back down on the ground.

'But what are you doing here? I thought you had a baby and _Loco_ to look after back in Sydney?' He questioned again, sitting himself opposite her.

She sat as well. 'I'm here visiting my mother, Kaidan is with her. I was kicked out to go have some fun.'

James whistled. 'Damn. Your mother must have some balls to kick you out.'

She punched him in the soldier, a grin cracking her face before continuing.

'So, I am here on a holiday. An what about you huh? I thought you were on N training?'

'Just finished this morning!' He cried happily. 'I am officially, an N7!'

He raised his arm, and the group of marines joined him in his cheer.

Ashley couldn't help but laugh at James' crazy antics. She knew that he worked hard to be an N7.

'So I came here to celebrate, even though I am back on the New Alliance roster for reassignment. I figured, one night on the town eh? Just don't tell Shepard, or he will probably lecture me about responsibility or something. Man, for a crazy man, who can beat my record of chin-ups, he can sure be a hard-ass when it comes to the N's.'

Ashley nodded. Shepard was particularly passionate about the N program. Lord only knows why, as it nearly killed its candidates.

'So you and me here eh? Anything could happen.' James said, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously.

Ashley laughed again, and was about to respond when her omni-tool lit up with a new message.

She glanced down and saw that it was priority.

It read:

Cmdr. Shepard, Ashley,

Please be advised as next of kin, that Cmdr. Shepard, Jarryd, has been recovered from a factory explosion in Sydney, Australia, Earth.

Unknown cause as of now.

Is being moved to New Alliance HQ, Vancouver, Earth.

Will contact you pending details,

New Alliance Command.

Ashley felt the blood drain from her face.

Before James could ask her what was wrong, new messages chimed from both there omni-tools.

HIGH PRIORITY

ALL NORMANDY CREW TO RETURN IMMEDIATELY TO VANCOUVEREARTHSOL SYSTEM.

CITADEL SPECTRES OFFICE.

Ashley looked up from her message to see, James standing and making ready to leave.

'What was the first message Commander?' He asked gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

'It's Shepard.' She managed to slip out, fear radiating off her.

She stood up abruptly, the chair sliding across the ground.

She looked at James steady face and said 'I have to get Kaidan.'

He nodded and asked 'Do you mind if I go with you?'

She just gestured for him to follow.

* * *

Two days after Ashley left for New Linden, Shepard decided that he was going to go back to the slums, to try and pick up the trail of the Reds.

Picking across the attempted mugging site, a well armed Shepard decided that he should follow the alley that the men had run down.

Dingy apartment buildings seemed to stretch on forever, and his frustration grew as he searched for four hours for any sign of the Reds. Of course he knew if they didn't want to be seen they wouldn't be, but he had had more hope of finding something.

Just as his anger was about the overtake him, he turned a corner, only to pull back. He had found one of the men that had tried to mug him. It was the sensible one, who looked to be fairly smart. He glanced around shiftily, before walking into the factory building that was behind him.

A factory. The factory.

_The smell of burning heat sinks filled the air, as homeless people ran screaming from the direction of the blaze. The fire-fight that had occurred after the police had received an anonymous tip, that the local street gang was housing large containers full of red sand and armaments had caused the blaze. The police were not prepared for the show of force from the Reds. _

_Jay looked on with a sense of fierce horror. He had been the one to call the police. It had been the right thing to do. He knew it was the right thing to do._

_But why did it have to go so wrong._

_'Oh my god!' Isaac yelled from behind him._

_He made as if to run towards the burning building, but Jay held him back. Isaac beat his arms against Jay's pleading with him to let him help._

_But the screams had died. The fire had consumed._

_'They are all dead.' He stated frankly. An emotionless voice hiding his pain._

_All his fault._

_'How? How? Why!' his brother screamed._

_'It was me. I called the police' Jay uttered in a low voice._

_Isaac moved away from, Jay's limp embrace and turned to him._

_'What?' he whispered, his face pleading for Jay to lie. To not let it be true._

_But it was._

_Isaac saw the truth plainly on Jay's face. That his brother had been responsible for so much death._

_Revulsion. Hate. Betrayal._

_And when Isaac hit him for the first time that night, and his blood stained his own hand, he knew the truth._

_He was responsible, for destroying his family._

The memory faded, and the darkness of the slums seemed to creep in further than before. Shepard waited until the man had been inside the factory for ten minutes, before making his move.

But just as he reached the door, the cold hard barrel of a gun was pressed against his neck.

'Don't move' a gravelly voice whispered.

He turned, trying to disarm the man. But before he had even reached a half halfway, he collapsed into darkness.

* * *

Shepard groaned.

A throbbing ache was stretching up and around the back of his head, and through to the base of his spine. It was as if he had been electrocuted, injected red sand and was then beaten within an inch of his life.

Whatever they had used had packed one hell of a punch.

Shepard cracked his eyes open, and found himself tied up to the wall of a dimly lit room.

Spent thermal clips, and old blood stains littered the floor. A metre in front of him, was an old, beaten metal table. On it lay, what seemed to be, large scale tranquiliser guns.

He felt like death had crept up on him again. Where the hell was he? How long was he out for? What about Ashley? Kaidan?

A chill crept over him. The Reds were not how he remembered them to be. If they could take him, high profile and all, they must be very good.

Or, they just didn't give a shit.

But if they had woken him, after a seemingly prolonged unconsciousness, they wanted something.

As if hearing his thoughts, a man skipped into the room.

He stared at Shepard for a while, a look of incredulous wonder on his face, as if it was Kaidan, who had found the toy Shepard hid from him.

'My bosses will be happy' he stated gleefully. 'My cell, MY CELL! Caught the great Commander Shepard.'

'Cell?' Shepard questioned confused. 'Who the hell are you people!'

The man giggled maniaclly.

'Oh you don't know! You don't know! Oh what I would give to tell you! But if I did, they wouldn't like it no no no!' The man rambled.

The man was strange, almost like a child. He had a flash of inspiration.

'It could be our secret.' Shepard suggested quietly.

The man's eratic movements stopped, as he turned to stare at Shepard.

'I promise not to tell.'

The man seemed to agree, and an excited look came over his face.

'I am a Red. Like the colour of my blood' the man said

So it was the Reds. Shepard knew that oath, he had taken it himself.

But the man was continuing.

'And we guard the great gates. We hold out the light, for all the believers. We will uplift humanity, to its rightful place!' The man finished with a yell.

Shepard had never heard that part of the oath before.

'Are you a Red?' he questioned.

The man shook his head, a toothy grin cracking open his face.

'Not anymore, not anymore, not anymore. Yes and no. Yes and no.'

Before Shepard could make heads or tails of the crazy man's answer, the man's omni-tool beeped. The man quickly scoured the message, before laughing gleefully.

'Nearly here, nearly here!'

Realising that his time was probably running out, Shepard called for the man to come closer.

'I have a secret for you as well'

The man rushed forward quickly, eager to hear.

Shepard slammed his head against the man's . The man collapsed at his feet.

He was tied to the wall, with old fashioned rope, and after ten minutes or so, he was able strain the ropes enough, to slip his hands out. He fell to floor with a thump, the man groaning as Shepard walked away.

The room looked ordinary enough for a factory. Large shipping containers filled up the majority of the floor space. It was a maze to get to the door. Shepard climbed on top of one crate marked fragile, and observed his surroundings.

The factory was huge. Rows and rows of crates lined the floors. Shepard could see the large blast doors at the opposite end of the room. He made his way towards them, hopping from container to container.

He was halfway there, when he spotted a side room. It looked locked, but he was pretty sure he could see a computer in there. His desire to get away, was outweighed by his need to know what kind of shit he was in.

The door was locked, and it took him a slow few minuted to hack the lock by hand. It had been a long time since he had to do this without an omni-tool, but like his keycards and credit chit, they were gone when he had regained consciousnesses.

'Shit, shit, shit.' He muttered sucking on his singed finger.

The doors locked chimed, and he walked in. He quickly spotted his belongings on the table. He powered up his omni-tool and frowned. An extensive purge had been done on it. All information wiped.

He scowled as he scoured through the shadow data streams. Before his data had been wiped, someone had made copies.

This was bad.

He started up the computer, to see if he could find the copies.

He couldn't access the mainframe, but he could set up his omnitool to mine the data.

It was halfway through its scan, when the factory rocked with an explosion.

Shepard quickly looked out of the door, it seemed like a fire had started at on end of the factory. A spray of bullets through a gap in a wall, caused him to duck back into the office.

Holy hell.

Whatever is going on in this place must be huge.

Another explosion sounded from behind the door, and the smell of burnt red sand filled the air.

Shepard pulled off his shirt, and wrapped it around his face. The last thing he needed was to get high from red sand, and walk into a flames or gunfire. But it confirmed his suspicion that whoever the group was, they were into some serious smuggling. The amount of crates in the warehouse alone, would indicate that.

The a break in gunfire, made Shepard rush back towards the table. His omni-tool had completed its mine and he slipped it back onto his hand.

He turned ran out of the office, through the smoke and crates, hoping desperately to find a way out. His eyes burnt and began to water.

And spread of gunfire caused him to splay himself flat on his front. A stray bullet hit his right shoulder as he army crawled behind another set of crates. Grimacing in pain, he quickly evaluated his injury. The bullet was still in his shoulder, and he could feel his arm numbing. Beneath the haze of smoke, Shepard could see a purple substance leaking underneath his skin.

He paled. The bullet must have been coated with GringolLythaide. GL was a toxin developed by a group of batarian terrorists years ago. The batarians had discovered the blueprints for the gene enhancements all Alliance Marines underwent to create fitter, stronger soldiers. Unfortunately, the gene tweaking also caused those particular genes to be identical within each Allaince soldier making the GL toxin, a universal and effective attack on all the marine's affected genetic tags.

The toxin was developed from the Gringol Flower on Thessia. The poison worked on Alliance soldiers, and had been used to great effect in the attack of Elysium. It caused excruciating pain and death within half an hour.

The toxin was a banned substance, for the group to have gotten their hands on it...

This did not bode well for the Internal Security of the Alliance.

And if he didn't get to a medic in time... He would never see his family again.

Filled with a grim determination, it slightly unsteady. Shepard stood up and continued through the maze.

He rounded a corner and ran straight into one of the shooters. Before the woman could react, Shepard made fling for her gun hand. He landed on top of her, and he tried to keep his body weight on her while grappling for the gun one handed. The shirt was flung off his face and into the darkness.

She reached both her hands towards it, and Shepard slammed his left arm across her throat. Her fingers scratched for it, before her body shook violently trying to throw him off. He held firm though, until her body stopped twitching.

She had been well armed, with expensive post-Reaper guns and armour.

He left her body, grabbing the gun loosely with his uninjured arm. He coughed as he struggled though the fog. He seemed to be getting darker in the factory, and he could hear distant gunfire and shouting.

Another explosion rocked the factory and Shepard fell again. Hazy shaped blurred and spun, and Shepard tired to squint thought it.

There! He could see a police siren; he stumbled up and floundered towards it. A cold blast of dirty smelling air hit him. He could see the familiar shapes of the slums, but for some reason even though he was away from the smoke, they were still blurry.

A blast from behind him flung him into a wall, and with a thump he slid to the ground. He didn't have the energy to get up this time, and the last thing he saw before everything went black was the factory burning.

Burning, burning.

* * *

Shepard woke up in a evac shuttle. Two New Allaince soldiers, with symbols identifying them as medical, were on either side of him. He coughed weakly, and the younger one addressed him in a British accent.

'Commander Shepard sir, you were in a serious accident. You were shot with a toxin, but the cure may take some time to take effect.'

Shepard groaned in response, before questioning.

'Were are you taking me?'

'Vancouver sir. The injured you have need to be treated at a hospital, and the higher-ups want to debrief you.'

Shepard let his head fall back on the pillow, and stared at the shaking roof of the transport.

'My wife-' he began.

'Don't worry sir' the silent soldier said. 'A message was sent.'

Shepard nodded and closed his eyes. Ashley was going to kill him, there was no way his was going to get out of this one without a full explanation. Why the hell did it have to become so complicated.

His eyes snapped open and he nearly launched himself out of the bunk, before the Medical's restrained him.

'My omni-tool! I need it, now!' he cried.

The two men looked at each other, and at Shepard's frantic gaze before conceding to his request.

Shepard quickly opened the tool and started reading.

The soldier's watched as Shepard went pale.

'No... It can't be.' He whispered eyes wide.

He glanced once more through the contents, before turning to the now confused marines.

'Get me access to the SPECTRE office channels. I'll give you the codes.'

The jumped at his order, and ran to organise the connection.

While they were busy, Shepard rested his head again on the pillow, this time wide awake.

The factory had belonged to the Reds, but the gang had formed a partnership with a bigger crime syndicate.

And the very much active organisation that headed the whole thing.

Cerberus.

_**Have I got you jumpy yet? If I have, review. If I have not... review anyway!**_

_**Next update, soon I promise.**_


	6. Truth

_**A little bit early, but that's how I like it.**_

_**Big shout out to a reviewer, who helped me with a stuff up I made over the GL toxin. Check out the revised edition in the last chapter, if you haven't read it. All credit goes to them for poin ting it out, and helping me fix the problem.**_

_**Just goes to show, I listen to reviews! If you have a problem with the fic, message me, review and I will check it out.**_

_**Also, in response to a question, I chose Earthborn because I liked the possibiltities that it represented. All that unknown history... who knows how Shepard really grew up... except, well, me.**_

_**Without anymore delays... Chapter 5!**_

_**(I own nothing)**_

**Chapter 5: Truth**

Derek Cresswall had been the owner of the Lanterns Bar for two years. The bar itself had been in his family for well over five generations. Derek had grown up in Vancouver and since his teenage years, had worked in the family business after school every day. His father was a tough man, used to the rough and tumble attitude of the Alliance Marines that poured into the pub after their day had finished at the Alliance HQ just up the strip, or the ones who had just finished a rotation and spent their first night on shore leave getting hammered.

Derek Senior had nothing but contempt for the marines themselves. A former navy marine himself, he was a captain serving under General Williams when Shanxi had been surrendered. And like all the senior officers at Shanxi, he had been shunted and forcibly retired after First Contact ended. He had fallen from being one of the youngest captains in the Alliance's history, to be left with no future and no income. The only way he could support himself was by entering, and eventually overtaking the family business.

And so he grew bitter, watching from the sidelines as marines passed through his doors, idealistic and young, changing the galaxy while he remained stagnant.

He tried to imprint his views onto Derek, raising him alone as Derek's mother had died, but despite his warnings of the untrustworthiness of the Alliance, Derek grew enamoured with the soldier's bravado.

On the day Derek decided to enlist, his father refused to speak to him. And so, over the years that followed, through Derek's training and graduation, and eventual postings, Derek didn't speak to his father.

When the Reaper's hit Vancouver, Derek had been stationed on the SSV Paris under Admiral Hackett's command. He still remembered watching the footage of Alliance HQ being hit, but unlike his fellow officers, Derek had eyes only for the small bar, being crushed underneath exploding rubble.

By the time the war had ended, Derek had scoured through thousands of names, hoping beyond hope, that his estranged father was still alive. When he finally made it back to Vancouver, Derek found out the truth.

His father had survived the initial assault, and he had joined the resistance movement. He managed to stay alive, and according to a report, he was responsible for the liberation of twelve prisoner camp deep within Reaper territory.

His father had survived, until the last day of the war. He was part of Hammer Team, the final assault on the Reaper's beam. He didn't make it to see Earth free.

And Derek had never gotten the chance, to make amends.

The only thing he had left from his father was the bar.

His father had never changed his will, and even though the bar no longer existed, Derek was determined to honour his father's final gift.

He had rebuilt it, and it had once again the most popular spot for shore leave on the strip.

And a photo of Derek's dad, hung on the wall for all to see and remember, that during the darkest of times, even the most unlikely of men will rise to face the challenge.

But regret is a powerful poison.

And it was because of this regret, that Derek was sitting a four in the morning drinking at his own bar.

And because he was drinking he had forgotten to lock the door.

And that was how Commander Shepard walked into his bar, and ordered a drink.

Talk about the butterfly effect.

* * *

Shepard rested his head against the counter, and gestured for another drink.

He heard the barman pour another glass and place next to his ear.

He grunted in thanks.

He was surprised that a The Lantern was open at this time of the night. He remembered that after basic, he and a few of his friends had come here. It had been run by a grumpy older man, who never left his office. But Shepard recognised the new owner as on of the young teens who had served food to the marines.

He had been wide eyed, and in awe of all the stories that the soldiers would speak of after their rotation ended.

But when Shepard had walked in here, the man was sitting alone, nursing a bottle and glass of Batarian Ale. He looked up when he heard Shepard enter, but instead of kicking him, out he had wordlessly given up his stool, and poured Shepard a drink with a quiet 'it's on the house.'

The war had done this to people.

The council and the New Alliance, could talk up the new start as much as they wanted, but it would take more than newly colonized worlds and treaties to heal the wounds that had been left behind.

Shepard lifted his head only to slam down another drink and continue to roll in sorrow.

Why did the problems never end for him? Nothing he did, no matter how hard he fought, there was always another one waiting to ruin his life.

And it was always his own fucking fault.

* * *

_Earlier that day_

Ashley was fuming. She had rushed home with an overanxious James at her side. The get to Vancouver on such short notice, they had to be transferred through five commercial spaceports. At the last spaceport, their shuttle was cancelled and the only reason they were here at all was because James had a contact that was shipping used skycars back to Vancouver.

Ashley was frustrated, tired and angry. After spending the past day and a half with an increasingly fatigued baby, and Kaidan she was at her wits end. Not to mention that she had no idea what the hell had happened to Shepard, and why all of the Normandy crew had been recalled.

He was alive at least. She knew he was alive.

They must have made a sight when they arrived at HQ. A dishevelled Ashley, an exhausted tattooed man and a screaming baby.

The receptionist looked up at them with an arched eyebrow, as Ashley banged her hands down on the desk.

'Would be so kind, as to tell me where Commander Shepard is?'

'And you are?'

Ashley's demeanour darkened further as a fierce scowl overcame her face. James cracked his knuckles menacingly.

'I'm his wife, Lieutenant Commander Ashley Shepard, and if you don't tell me where my husband is in five seconds, I swear to God I will make what happened to the Reaper's look like a picnic.'

The receptionist paled in recognition and quickly gestured for a security guard.

'Of course Lieutenant Commander, Private Fredericks will escort you.'

Ashley didn't bother to say goodbye as she followed the fast moving Private walked down one of the corridors.

She and James had been ushered into a large conference room. The rest of the Normandy crew were all there. Liara, Miranda, Jack, Garrus, Tali, Zaeed, Kasumi, Grunt, Jacob, Joker, EDI, Samara, Cortez and Traynor were all grouped by one of the large windows overlooking the bay.

They looked up at James and Ashley's entrance, but Ashley didn't have time to look up in greeting.

She quickly placed a snoozing Kaidan into James's arms and rounded on the fresh faced Private who had led them here.

'As I can't see my husband anywhere in this room, I wouldn't be taking a stab in the dark at assuming that he is not here.' She questioned with a rage.

The Private quickly answered.

'No ma'am. Commander Shepard is currently being debriefed by the Admirals. I was instructed to take you here, to wait until they have finished.'

And so, Ashley and the crew had been stuck waiting in this room for two hours while Shepard was in his meeting, only able to speculate as to what the hell was going on.

James was asleep next to her. But she was too anxious to give into her own exhaustion.

The rest of the crew had long given up on trying to talk to her. After the first few attempts and inevitable snarls, they decided that they would better leave her alone and instead remained near the window whispering.

James had been the only one insane enough to brave Ashley's temper, and although she had shot him a nasty look when he had first sat down, she was grateful for his silent companionship.

That was, until he started snoring.

Miranda had taken control of Kaidan, and while Ashley would never be best friends with the ex-Cerberus operative, she couldn't deny that Kaidan adored her.

But with the absence of Kaidan, the only Ashley had left to occupy her time, was her consuming worry and fear over what exactly had happened to Shepard.

The door to the room opened and the same Private called for them to follow him out of the room.

Ashley hung back as the rest of the crew surged forward, James with a yawn.

He led them down another corridor that opened up into a large, senate like room.

Shepard was at the other end of the room. Admiral's Hackett, Pritchard and Calaway were standing opposite him. Shepard looked haggard, as if he had aged ten years since Ashley had last seen him. The Admiral's kept their features composed, but Ashley could tell that they were worried about something.

Catcalls of his name caused Shepard to look up at the group. His face lit up when Miranda placed, a now sleeping Kaidan in his arms, and his eyes searched for Ashley.

He found her at the back of the group, her eyes boring into his, an unspoken question passed between them. But as quick as the question was asked, Shepard averted his gaze guiltily.

'What's going on Shepard?' Garrus asked, demanding Shepard's attention.

Shepard glanced quickly at the Admirals before gesturing for all the crew to sit in the vacant seats.

With one final glance at Ashley, who had seated herself as far away from him as possible, he launched into his story, explaining everything, from his attempted mugging, recognition of the gang, and the eventual factory explosion.

There was a silence following his reveal of Cerberus' involvement before Tali questioned.

'How big is this threat exactly from Cerberus?'

'Big' he answered grimly. 'Just from the data we have been able to have analysed, they have over twenty active bases all over the galaxy, and only three of them we were able to locate.'

He looked around the silent group and Ashley's downturned face before continuing.

'The reason I called you all hear, is because we all understand how big this is. If Cerberus has managed to stay alive even after everything we put them through, then they are more than dangerous. This could potentially be one of the biggest crime syndicates this galaxy has ever seen. And if anyone knows how to stop them, it's us. I need you guys behind me to do this. They have to be finished.'

He paused.

'This has to end.'

The crew only had eyes for Shepard, he was pleading with them.

Admiral Hackett coughed, drawing the silent crew's attention.

'The admiralty board are in agreement. We have given Shepard leave to go ahead with an operation to find, and destroy, Cerberus. But it will be strictly covert. And for that, he has been reinstated as the commanding officer of the _Normandy.'_

The eyes of the crew once again shifted to Shepard.

'I need to do this guys. It has to be me. And I know I could do this with any other crew, but I need the best. And you, are the best.'

Garrus exchanged a look with Tali, before walking towards a stricken Shepard and placing his talon on Shepard's shoulder.

'We're with you Shepard. Remember, there is no Shepard without Mr and Mrs Vakarian.'

Shepard smiled in gratitude as other members of the crew murmured their assent.

'Well of course we are going' Joker exclaimed sarcastically gesturing to EDI 'You'd be stealing our home otherwise.'

'It will be interesting to travel with you again Shepard. You have my oath' said Samara, one hand placed on her heart.

'Can't expect you to survive long without this old bastard' exclaimed Zaeed. 'I'm in.'

'Me too' Kasumi nodded.

Traynor and Cortez spoke as one 'I'm in.'

'I'm sure I could manage my affairs aboard the_ Normandy _as well as any other place' Liara said with a sidelong glance at a nodding Miranda. 'Besides, any information I come up with could be useful.'

James merely grinned. 'Hell yeah I'm in! An old man like you, needs some new N7 blood!'

Jacob shook his head silently. 'Brynn won't like it... but she will understand. I'm in.'

Shepard felt tears come to his eyes. The sight of so many crew members nodding their assent.

'Thank you' was all he was able to choke out.

'So' James said awkwardly, seeing Shepard's teary face. 'When do we leave.'

Admiral Hackett answered.

'0800 tomorrow, docking bay E67. Private Fredericks will show you were you are staying for the night.'

The crew murmured farewell to Shepard as they followed the Admiral's and the private out of the room.

The door closed with a resounding click that echoed around the room, the silence only interrupted by Kaidan snoring in Shepard's arms.

Shepard braced himself for the inevitable, but when he raised his head to look around the room, Ashley was already gone.

* * *

Shepard walked along the corridor to his assigned room, to find the door unlocked. He entered inside quietly, to find Ashley sitting on the couch, surrounded by unopened luggage. She looked up as Shepard entered and wordlessly raised herself to take Kaidan from his arms, and went to the bedroom.

She returned empty handed to stare at Shepard.

She looked so blank, as if all the light had been sucked out of her.

'What are we supposed to do Jay, while you go gallivanting around the galaxy?' she questioned coldly.

Shepard made as if to move towards her, but she shrunk away. His outstreatched hands dropped wordlessly to his sides.

'Come with me.' He pleaded quietly.

'Me and a baby on the Normandy? That's crazy.' She stated bluntly.

Shepard's mouth moved limply for a few moments.

'Please.' He finally whispered.

She considered him.

'Why?'

'Because' he answered 'They are targeting me, and if they are targeting me, they might be-'

'Targeting us' she finished.

A silence hung between them, before she braved the question.

'Why were you really down in the slums?'

'I told you. I was there following up a lead-'

'Don't give me that bullshit' she snapped. 'I know you. You may have been following up a lead, but you would have told someone if it was as simple as that. The only time you do something as dumb as this alone, is when it involves family. Or maybe your past' she finished.

He didn't answer her, and her mouth set in a grim line. She turned on her heel, ready to walk into the bedroom, but Shepard grabbed her hand before she could take one step and turned her back to face him.

She was ready to launch an angry insult into his face, but she stopped when he placed a finger over her lips.

He stared into her eyes for a long few seconds before letting go of her hand, and walking towards the window facing over the bay.

His posture slipped, and he resigned himself to telling her the truth.

_The day was clear and the sky a brilliant blue. They didn't normally get to make it out of the slums, and Isaac was sucking his thumb and clutching at Jarryd's leg, unsure of what to do when surrounded by all the strange looking children._

_They had come to an upper city park_. _There were a lot of strange people in it, at least thats what Jarryd thought when he saw the little blue girl running around with other nicely dressed children. _

_He wasn't old enough to recognize the difference in class, but he knew that he was different to these children. They had shoes for starters._

_'Jay.' His little brother whined, one thumb still in his mouth. 'I wanna play with them.' He continued, pointing at the little blue girl._

_Jarryd shook his head at his brother. _

_'We can't Izzy. You have to play with me instead! How about... Humans and Terians! I'll be the terian, and you can shot my metal head off!'_

_His brother smiled, the gaps in his front teeth standing out._

_'Yeah! Yeah! I get to shoot your silly head off! Bang! Bang!' he squealed chasing Jarryd through the park and around the other children eyeing them with disdain._

_But Jarryd didn't care, as long as Isaac was happy, he was happy too._

A silent tear ran down Shepard's face as he remembered. He turned back to Ashley.

'I have... I had, a brother. His name was Isaac.'

Ashley was hit by his revealation, but Shepard continued.

'I was a prominent member of the Reds before I joined the Alliance. And we used to get on fine, but then... something happened. I got more involved with the Reds, I owed them, and Isaac... became an addict.'

He looked down, unable meet her eyes.

'When I joined the Alliance... I broke contact with him. I don't know why I went back there. After the war, I put a few feelers out. Nobody alive knew where he was, maybe he isn't alive himself. I just... I don't know.'

He looked back up, expecting Ashley to be angry with him, but instead saw tears pouring down her face.

'After... after everything... After your death, after Horizon, after the Reaper's... You still didn't trust me enough to tell me this.' She said looking at him in horror.

'Who are you?' she whispered.

He stared after her as she turned back to the bedroom. She stopped at the door.

'I don't know if we will go with you Shepard. I don't know if I can trust you anymore'

'Ashley-'he started.

She turned and shook her head.

'Don't. Just don't. I don't want you here tonight Shepard. Go and chase your past alone'

* * *

And so, he was here in this bar. Getting smashed and wallowing in sorrow.

He remembered Shiala from Feros had once asked him 'is it always like this? Yesterday's problems lingering on in some new form?'

If he could answer her now, it would be abso-fucking-lutely.

He groaned once again against the countertop.

Why couldn't anything ever, just be solved?

'Family troubles Commander' a familiar british accented voice questioned.

Shepard turned his head on the bar, to see the familiar figure of Doctor Chakwas sitting next to him.

He straightened up unsteadily.

'Doctor? What are you doing here?'

She gazed critically at the bottles lined up on the back of the bar, before pointing out a familiarly labelled Serrice Ice Brandy to the barman.

As he got it down for her, she answered Shepard's question.

'If you weren't so drunk, you would remember that you recalled all of the _Normandy_ crew, not just the ground team. We 'non-essential' staff were debriefed by the admiral's, it seems while you were trolling the strip for alcohol.' She stated frankly, eyeing Shepard's dishevelled appearance.

Shepard nodded his head in acceptance at her thinly veiled criticism. It was true, after he had been given the boot from their room, Shepard had been dropping from bar to bar in search of the best way to drown his sorrows.

'After the trauma you went through at that factory, any medical professional would strongly advise against excessive drinking. However, in this case... I believe I am sitting here in my capacity as a friend, rather than a doctor.' She continued, before pouring herself a glass of brandy.

'And what exactly are you doing here Karin? I would have thought you would be sleeping before the launch tomorrow.' He questioned, abandoning his ale for the brandy as well.

'No doubt I am here for the same reason you are Shepard.' She raised her glass for a toast. 'To family.'

He clinked his glass with her's and gave her a steady look while she continued.

'You know Shepard, I have never lacked for friendship. You, Joker and all those on the _Normandy_ have been the best of friends. But family... family was a skill I never seemed to be able to master.'

She gazed off into the distance, with a look Shepard knew all to well. Regret.

'I was married once you know, a long time ago. We were young, both studying at Cambridge. I thought he was the most poetic man I had ever known. Andrew and I, were married under London Bridge, he looked into my eyes and promised me that he would love me forever.'

She slammed down another glass, poured another and then continued.

'I was the one to end it. I was on a scholarship program with the Alliance see, and after I had finished my required years I decided to stay. Oh the thrill of it Shepard, a young, idealistic doctor, looking to save the galaxy and revel in the romance of it, what time did I have for my quiet husband waiting for me back on Earth.'

A quiet tear slipped from her eye.

'I left. He didn't want a divorce, he still loved me, but I thought I had stopped loving him. But over the years, I realised how wrong I was Shepard. Loneliness creeps up on you Shepard, and one day it is just there. But until the day I found out Earth was attacked, I never realised just how much I still loved him. When the war was finished, I looked for him. I found out that he had died in the first wave.'

She slumped on her stool and Shepard raised a consoling hand onto her shaking shoulder. She lifted herself up giving him a weak smile.

'He left a message for me in his will you know. All his books, his poetry were mine. And he said that he had always loved me.'

She gazed at Shepard who was once again, staring into the depths of his glass.

'Don't make the same mistake I did Shepard.'

He turned to her, his own gaze red-rimmed.

'How do you know I am making a mistake' he croaked out hoarsely.

'Because Shepard, before I came here, I looked for you in your rooms and Ashley confessed to me what had happened. Don't worry, I will not tell anyone. But you should know, that that woman loves you more than you could possibly understand.'

He sat for a moment in silence, before the until then silent bartender spoke.

'For what it is worth Commander, I would give everything I have, to have the chance to speak to my dad just one more time. Don't wait until what you love is gone before making peace.' The man finished before walking into the back room.

Shepard followed him with his eyes, before turning back to the doctor, who was making ready to leave.

'She said she won't come on the _Normandy_. What if this is it?' he questioned.

Chakwas just gave him a knowing smile before walking out of the bar.

'Sometimes Jarryd, you just have to have a little faith.'

'I thought you said you would never call me by my first name.'

She looked at him before closing the bar door.

'Times change.'

* * *

It was 0755 the next morning, and still no sign of Ashley of Kaidan.

Shepard had made his way straight here last night, and had slept restfully in the loft wondering if Ashley was going to turn up. So far, everyone else was already on board, finding and organising were they were going to stay.

But Shepard didn't spend long greeting them, and had instead returned to his post next to the cargo doors watching, waiting and hoping that Ashley would turn up.

'She'll be here' James said eyeing a jumpy Shepard from over at his familiar place near the armoury

'Who? What? What?' Shepard stuttered out.

James merely rolled his, and returned to cleaning his gun.

Shepard was shaking. He couldn't do this without Ash. He couldn't be alone. But what if she didn't come, what then.

It was in mid pace, that he saw her. She was pushing Kaidan in a pram across the docking bay and was surrounded by dock workers carrying luggage.

He merely stared at her in shock as she walked on board the ship, ordering the exact placement of all her belongings. It was only after all the crew, and a grinning James, had scattered from the cargo hold that she turned the pram towards Shepard.

Kaidna giggled at his father's shell shocked face, as Ashley turned to him with a scowl and a raised finger.

'If you think, for one second, that I am not mad then you are dead wrong.'

She continued to glare up at him before continuing.

'But I made a vow, for better or for worse. Plus someone needs to keep an eye on you.'

With a huff, she turned into the elevator and pressed the button to the Captain's Cabin.

Just before the doors closed she said.

'But you're sleeping on the couch!'

Shepard couldn't help the grin that overcame his face.

Oh how he loved Ashley.

* * *

_**So what do we think my evil minions?**_

_**Review! Review!**_


	7. Launch

_**Another one for your pleasure. As per a reviewer's observation, I have noticed that the previous chapter has an...how shall I say... overuse of commas. I will rectify. **_

_**Of course by the time you read this, I may have changed it... or not.**_

_**Now I am just confused.**_

_**Nevermind! Here we go!**_

_**(I own nothing)**_

**Chapter 6: Launch**

Shepard stretched his back and listened as his spine popped.

He could barely suppress a yawn as he pressed the elevator button for the crew deck. True to her word Ashley had made him sleep on the couch in the captain's cabin. Although this normally wouldn't have bothered him, it was rather tense being in a room with Ashley, imagining her eyes burning holes into his back.

He initially thought that she might want to talk to him, to ask him about Isaac and why he didn't tell her about him. But she still seemed to be far to mad to even care what he had to say.

'I may love you Jarryd, but that doesn't mean I like you.'

Kaidan had also slept restlessly, and somehow Ashley had managed to remain firmly asleep through his cries, forcing Shepard to carry him up and down the elevator and around the CIC. The only person their at the time had been EDI, so Shepard wasn't worried about waking anybody up.

'Shepard. It is interesting to see the habits parents undergo with their young' she had said observing him softly trying to talk Kaidan into sleeping.

'May I?' she questioned, her synthetic arms outstretched.

Shepard willingly gave the crying baby up to her, and slumped exhausted into the co-pilots chair. Kaidan cried for a few more minuted while EDI observed him in silence. Shepard was about ready to take Kaidan back when EDI began to hum.

Shocked, Shepard listened as EDI let out a repetitive rhythm of electronic beats. Kaidan stopped crying, and slowly nestled into EDI's arms while she, almost organically, shifted her arms to cradle him.

Shepard observed her in silence for some time before saying quietly.

'You know EDI, you would make a great mother.'

EDI had apparently not been prepared for such a statement. She quickly looked at him, with an expression Shepard would discern as shock. She then gently placed Kaidan back into his arms, staring at Shepard.

He shifted uncomfortably, not used to such an unhuman-like stare.

'I would be lying if I said I have not considered the... Possibility.'

It was Shepard's turn to regard her concerned face. She looked unsure, as if she didn't know what to say. He was once again shocked by how easily he saw her as a living, breathing person. Capable of feeling love and joy, but also fear.

'Trust me' he said intensely 'You and Joker would be the best parents.'

'I am not so sure Shepard. You have seen yourself the initial fear that all organics feel when they meet me. Even if we were to adopt, who would give a child to me? And how would that child feel, growing up with a platform as a mother. And no matter how many times I run the possibilities, the percentile range in which a child could love me is incalculable.'

Shepard watched as she... errr... rambled. She was suffering from something he was all to familiar with, parent jitters.

'EDI' he said slowly so that she concentrated on him. 'A child, any child, unconditionally loves their parent figure. It doesn't matter if you are related or not, it doesn't even matter if you're the same species. Organic or synthetic. A child doesn't care about that. The only way you can lose their love, is if you betray their trust. But I know you EDI, you would be the most overprotective and obsessed mother in existence. You would do anything, be anything, they needed. The fact that we are having this conversation proves it.'

He cradled Kaidan with one arm while placing his other hand on her cold, yet still lifelike, one.

'You would be the best mum.'

She smiled at him, and at Kaidan's dozing form.

'Thank you Shepard. I think you have helped my analysis.'

Shepard walked back into the darkened cabin and gazed at Ashley's sleeping form before laying Kaidan down in his cot at the end of the bed. He gazed at him lovingly before whispering.

'Your mummy might not be talking to me at the moment Kaidan, because I was a silly idiot. But I still think she is a great wife and mummy as well.'

He smiled fondly as he curled up on his couch exhausted. He was just about to doze off when he heard Ashley moving to check on Kaidan. He strained his ears, and heard her whisper to him.

'I love your daddy Kaidan, but lord help him if he does anything this bad again.'

Shepard couldn't help but grin again as Ashley settled back into the bed.

He knew she wasn't asleep.

* * *

In the mess, Shepard was helping himself to a strong cup of coffee. Yawning he sat down at the table, watching the night shift swap over with the day shift.

The _Normandy_ had just been cleared for duty after the damage she had sustained during the final battle. And although their mission was important, she had to spend a day in the field, stress testing the finally completed retrofits. As such, Shepard had delayed his mission summary until today, giving the engineers and Joker, ample time to run diagnostics as the soured through the local cluster. Last on the list, before the ground was prepped, was a relay jump taking them to the Citadel, were Shepard had been instructed to inform the council of their mission.

Shepard shuddered at the thought. He had been trying for months to avoid the council, and was plagued constantly by demands to attend award ceremonies and give speeches. Initially he didn't mind, and was quite honoured by the idea, but after the first three ceremonies, Shepard realised they were less for commending heroic actions, and more for pushing political agenda's.

And so Shepard had, behind the council's back, sent out over one hundred personalized messages to all the commanders and individual soldiers who had been scheduled to receive 'commendations'.

He then, with the help of Tali and Kasumi, had broadcasted a galaxy wide message of thanks to all the soldiers and families who had fallen victim to the war.

The council had not approved of his actions, yet nonetheless, still tried to persuade him to go to the presentations.

He had politely declined.

But now he was back in their clutches, and after the heard of his coming from the admiralty board, they had conveniently scheduled a commemoration ceremony. One which he was obliged to attend, as he had already been slated and promoted as the keynote speaker.

As usual, they had no concept of the threat that Cerberus is to the galaxy. When he spoke to them over the secondary QEC, Spartacus 'dismissed his claim' that this parade was eating into valuable and crucial investigation time. But to sweeten the deal, they had offered Shepard full access to SPECTRE resources.

So it was grudgingly agreed to by Shepard.

'Hey _loco_. What's for breakfast.' James questioned as sauntered into the mess, running his hair through his Mohawk.

Shepard grimaced. James always was a morning person.

'Eggs' he grumbled. He hated mornings on principal. They always seemed to come to soon.

At the sight of the eggs, James' expression grew grim as well.

'You think, us being saviours of the known galaxy and all, would have entitled us to some decent meals' he sighed as he plunked himself opposite Shepard. Regardless of his criticisms he had no problem shoving the eggs into his mouth faster than machine gun fire.

'Wadhs de madda?' he questioned Shepard's disgusted look he, eggs dripping out the corner of his lips.

Shepard just shook his head, and continued to stare into his coffee.

'Ughh' Miranda commented as she sat down next to James, as far along the bench away from him as possible.

James just rolled his eyes at her, before continuing his race to down the entirety of their supplies.

Miranda turned her attention to Shepard.

'I gather you didn't sleep that well last night Commander? I think everyone in the lower deck heard you crying?' she questioned with a wry grin. Now it was Shepard's turn to roll his eyes.

'I myself, have moved down into Jack's old hole as I was unceremoniously kicked out of my old quarters by Liara. Why in this great nation have I been subjected to be roommates with Jack?'

Shepard was about to answer but was interrupted by James' ungodly burp.

This time both Miranda and Shepard eyed him with equally disgusted glares.

Noticing, he paused in his shovelling.

'What?'

Turning his attention away from James' bodily functions, he continued to answer her question with an evil grin.

'I don't know Miranda, you know what they always say, hate is just one step away from true love. At least down there you have time and space to share.'

Miranda shot him a steady glare before conceding with a slight grin of her own.

'Ok, I'll admit, Liara needs the space more than me, and Jack and I no longer want to kill each other-'

'Speak for yourself princess' Jack said as she walked into the mess, eyeing James and positioning herself on the other side of Shepard.

'If you keep snoring like you did last night, I may be forced to smother you.'

Miranda sighed in exasperation.

'No, I mean it wouldn't be that bad if Ken and Gabby weren't so P.O'd that their 'secret spot' is being used by two vagrants.'

'They can complain as much as they want, it was mine first' Jack replied easily, stealing a drink from Shepard's coffee.

'I'll just make sure they know, we can always replace engineers.' She finished with a glint in her eye.

Miranda shot Shepard a wary look, but he just shook his head at her.

You started this he thought.

'Well, I'm done' James exclaimed loudly patting his stomach. Eyeing up Shepard's barely touched plate he asked 'You gonna eat that?'

Shepard wordlessly pushed the plate towards him, and watched silently as he started eating again.

'WHAB!' he yelled through mouthfuls of yolk.

Jack, Miranda and Shepard just steadfastly avoided each other's gaze.

* * *

'What do you mean we have to stay for three days, I thought the parade was tomorrow and we could be gone on our way'

The councillor's bristled at Shepard's insolent tone.

'Commander Shepard' started Valern 'We will not be spoken to in such a way.'

'Indeed' Tevos began 'We have a right to be speaken to with dignity and respect, I believe we have earned it.'

Shepard could barely contain his growl. After all the shit he had to put up with over the years with these three, the second the war ended the sticks were shoved right up their asses again. They still thought they could treat him like some sort of annoying nuisance.

'You'll get my respect, when I think you have earned it. In case you forgot, I am on the trail of a highly dangerous criminal syndicate and Cereberus. This problem, can not be delayed just so you can push your own political agenda's!' he bluntly stated.

'Shepard, you forget yourself' Spartacus began 'Not only have we offered support through the SPECTRE'S, something not normally done for a single species matter, we have also given you the opputunity to speak out and denounce the organisation of the parade in three days time.'

'The last time I looked' Shepard started in a dangerous tone 'The attack on the Citadel by Cerberus wasn't just a 'single species' matter. I am so over being treated like a fool by this council. We need to act quickly, in order to have the advantage against them! Can't you see that?'

The new human councillor, a woman who Shepard couldn't even remembers the name of spoke for the first time.

'I agree with the Commander.' She stated simply and loudly over Valern's blustering.

The three councillors turned to her with anger, and Shepard with surprise.

'This is a pointless exercise, forcing Shepard to speak at this parade in exchange for our help. The protection of the galaxy should be our primary focus. I would have thought that the councillors who stood as the leaders during the Reaper War would understand this.' She finished.

'Now see here Councillor Michaels-'Valern began, before she cut him off with a raised hand.

'I find it highly unfair that I wasn't even included in your previous discussion with Shepard about this very matter. I do have, after all, an equal voice to your own. And I believe that this parade, is a waste of Shepard's time. Time that would be better spent doing his job.' She finished with an angry scowl.

Shepard looked her in a new light, maybe someone sensible was back on the council.

The other councillor's fumed silently. They could hardly usurp her authority, as she was technically their equal.

Shepard grew impatient. And addressed the Michaels directly.

'If I may councillor-'

'Commander, how about we go for a walk to the SPECTRE offices, while these three... reconsider hmm?' She questioned quietly, walking down from the podium in the Citadel Tower and gesturing him towards a side elevator.

He followed and she pressed the presidium button, closing the door on the three angry councillors.

She turned to him with a wide grin, and said in a much more casual tone 'Commander Shepard, my name is Alicia Michaels. I am the new human councillor. Congratulations by the way, for the baby. He was named after Kaidan Alenko wasn't he?'

Shepard shook her hand in return and questioned back 'An honour councillor. Did you know Kaidan?'

She nodded, her face turning nostalgic.

'Yes. We met back at brain camp, I'm an L2.' She answered as the elevator stopped at the familiar presidium embassies floor.

They continued walking through the throngs of people standing in line.

'We remained close friends, even after the program was shut down' she said, pushing people gently aside.

'I joined the Alliance at the same time as him, albeit on different worlds. Colony kid myself' she grinned at him ruefully as they walked out of the crowd.

Shepard regarded her fascination.

'How did an Alliance soldier, end up as the candidate for councillor?

'Long story' she said scanning her wrist at the entrance of the SPECTRE offices.

They walked into together, and Shepard was awed by the amount of people in the room.

At least twenty SPECTRE's stopped talking and turned towards the sight of the Commander and Michaels.

A salarian man walked forward, his hand outstretched. Shepard took it, and was surprised to have his hand shaken firmly by the man.

'SPECTRE Eigor Bau, at your service Commander. I believe you met my brother Jondum during his last assignment?'

Shapard nodded releasing the man's hand.

'He was a good man. I am sorry for your loss.'

Eigor shook his head. 'Don't be, commander, he died a good death. Helping people was all he cared for.'

The salarian straightened and gestured around the room at all the other people.

'We are all the currently active SPECTRE's commander. And as per the councillor's request' he said with a nod towards a grinning Michaels 'we are here to offer our aid, in any way possible, with your investigation.'

Shepard was in shock, and turned with a look of disbelief towards the councillor.

'How the hell did they let you in?' he questioned.

She laughed. 'They didn't have much of a choice. When the entire galaxy is out to hate you for your stupid mistakes, you have to take the sanest path, even if it is the least preferable.'

She moved around the room calling out to two people. A short bald man and a tall curvy woman stepped forward. Both bore the SPECTRE symbol on their armour, and both were human.

'This is Major Andrew Winston, and First Lieutenant Anna Churchill.' She introduced, both of them nodding in greeting to Shepard. '

'I have worked with them a number of times over the years in the feild, together they are unstoppable. I like to call them 'The British Prime Ministers.'' She said fondly to the two of them while they rolled their eyes in synch.

She turned back to him. 'They are the newest members of the SPECTRE's, and I have tasked them with their first assignment. They will be directly responsible for any, and all information you uncover during the course of your investigation and our leading the overall SPECTRE inquiry into Cerberus' movements.'

She gave him a brief wink upon viewing his shell-shocked expression.

'Surely you don't have the sole authority over the actions of the SPECTRE's? I doubt the council would willingly offer so much support.'

A wide and feral smile stretched over her face.

'No, but I can be very persuasive Commander. That and the entirety of the SPECTRE's are backing me up on this. You name it, and they'll do it.'

He was overwhelmed. He came to the Citadel expecting meagre help and even less sensibility, and had instead been giving all of the SPECTRE's as a resource, and a councillor whose head was firmly on her shoulders.

'Thank you.' He stated frankly.

She clapped her hand down on his shoulder, waving goodbye to the others and directed them out of the room.

'Don't thank me yet Shepard, I'm pretty sure they'll still want you to go to that parade.'

* * *

'We come here today, to celebrate and commemorate the Reaper War. Some might say that this is an age of rebirth, and in many ways it is. But we must never forget the sacrifices that brought us here. We cannot squander the gift we have been given by assuming our old roles. Suspicion must end. The distrust of other species must end. We fought to have a future. We fought so that each person could have a chance to male themselves that future, not on the backs of others, but from their own hard work. Your lives are yours alone, rise up and live them.'

Shepard finished his speech to a resounding applause echoing around the large ballroom.

He made his way to his designated table. He had asked Ashley if she had wanted to come with him, but had been met with a withering glare and a torrent of insults, most revolving around where his head must have been shoved for the past thirty-three years, to make him think that anybody would forgive him that fast.

But despite her anger, she still didn't want to talk about it, and instead reverted to the silent treatment.

So he had invited Garrus, who had only agreed after Tali said she would ignore him as well.

'He's your best friend you _bo'sh tet!_'

And so, a rather uncomfortable Garrus was sitting in Shepard's plus one seat, pulling at the collar of his dress clothes.

When Shepard sat down, Garrus mimed wiping a tear from his eye.

'Beautiful Shepard. Just beautiful. Although if I may ask, why didn't I get a special mention? I feel I should at least have gotten an award. The engraving could read 'I Shoot Better Than Commander Shep- Owww!'

Garrus rubbed his shoulder while Shepard looked away innocently.

Garrus scowled, his mandibles twitching.

'You may have one this round Shepard, but at least my girlfriend is still taking to me.'

It was Shepard's turn to glare while Garrus conveniently studied the menu.

'You know I always wanted to try a dextro-fillet. I wonder what it tastes like?'

Shepard looked away annoyed at Garrus, and observed the room. It was packed full of politicians and reporters. The paparazzi had already hounded him with questions about his 'top-secret' mission. He had no idea how they had found out about it, but then again, the famous _Normandy _was hard to miss.

But as of tonight, 'The British Prime Ministers' were feeding them false information about the specifics of his 'mission'. Al Jilani had already reported that an 'exclusive source' had informed her that Shepard was on his way to take back the traverse in the name of the New Alliance.

That had made Shepard laugh. Apparently the newest SPECTRE's had a sense of humour, but he supposed if they were appointed by the sarcastic councillor, they would have to have one.

Still, he was glad to finally have some decent support. The hardest thing about the war, was knowing that thousands, maybe millions, of lives could have been saved if the council had actually listened to him. He hoped the same thing wouldn't happen again.

He sighed, and drained his glass of Thessian red wine. It was quite good, but a bit to fruity.

Next to him Garrus was still talking.

'...and I don't know about you Shepard, but I can't wait to get out of here.'

'Don't worry. The second this is over, we can get back to the _Normandy_ and search for some action.'

Garrus chuckled.

'Yeah. Hey, can you imagine any of these stuffed shirts in a firefight?' he questioned.

'I don't know' Shepard said, pointing out Councillor Michaels who was engaging four batarains, in what looked like a re-enactment of First Contact.

'I reckon some of them would be alright.'

It was then that Shepard noticed two laser red dots creeping up Garrus' shirt and his own.

With a quick glace up to the second floor balcony, he spotted the two snipers, their eyes glued on his.

He dived across the table, pulling Garrus out of their line of fire.

He didn't have time to ponder how the gunmen had gotten through all the security, becuse the second he had pulled Garrus down, all hell broke loose.

The sounds of assault rifles ripping through the tables made Shepard cringe. People began to scream and panic, running away from what must be, the sight of armed individuals. They didn't get far before two sets of explosives went off near the exits, throwing back dozens of people on top of each other.

Shepard felt Garrus move beside him, grabbing the nearest bit of broken glass, wrapping a piece of his torn dress shirt around it so it wouldn't cut him.

Shepard grimly began to do the same.

_'You know Jay-Jay, I reckon you should spend less time doing jobs for Erik, and more time relaxing' Isaac said in a singsong voice. Jay had found him on the side of the street again, passed out in a gutter. He was leaning on Jay, stumbling along back to the apartment._

_'Please don't call me that' Jay muttered, huffing from the effort of draging his high brother home._

_'Why not Jay-Jay? Why not? You know what I think Jay-Jay, I reckon you need to just take a break, and spend some time with little Izzy here' he said pointing at his chest, a smile overtaking his face. _

_Jay regarded him for a second, a wave of sorrow passed through him._

_'And then who would pay for you sand Isaac? What would happen then'_

_Isaac's expression turned cold and he pushed Jay away, almost falling to the ground himself._

_'You know what Jay, you are a real fucking bastard you know? Maybe one day I won't be here? And then what'll you be thinking eh? You'd be in the shit? And all I'll say is-_

'Be careful what you wish for, Shepard.' Garrus whispered before lunging at the pair of combat boots in front of the table.

* * *

_**What are the thoughts people? Did we like it or not? I am leading up to stuff, so bear with me... But in the meantime... Review!**_


	8. Command

_**Another chapter for you to read. I wanted to quickly apologise for all the word mess ups in the previous chapters. It is being fixed just so you know. In the meantime, I have really tried to check over this chapter... So I hope you like it!**_

_**Now where were we?**_

_**(I own nothing)**_

**Chapter 7: Command**

Ashley was having a hard day

There was nobody on the _Normandy _to talk to, they had all gone to the Silversun Strip or were tying up loose ends before the investigation really started. And Kaidan had a fever.

And because Shepard was at that stupid parade, there was nobody else to help her.

'Shhhh' she hummed to Kaidan bouncing him back and forth the hallway outside of their room, placating him enough to put him in his high chair.

What had once been Shepard's office on board the _Normandy_ had now become a fully-fledged baby nursery, complete with a diaper changing table. Since they had left on such short notice, Ashley had no problems placing all the brand new baby equipment on a requisitions order for expenses. Serves the Admiral's right, for giving Shepard the go-ahead to take his child on a SPECTRE mission.

She knew that Kaidan was going to adjust badly to being on a ship. The _Normandy _was no place for a young baby. But Shepard being Shepard, probably hadn't even considered the possibility that having a newborn on a military grade stealth warship could be slightly inconvenient for the people on board.

That and he probably thought he would go gallivanting across the galaxy, in his noble quest, while Ashley could stay on board minding Kaidan, waiting with a meal and handkerchief when he arrived back.

Not on your bloody life.

Just as she was thinking her dark thoughts, a dollop of applesauce hit her smack bang in the face.

Blinking, and wiping it away with her sleeve, she shot a steady glare at the now grinning Kaidan, whose spoon was conveniently on the floor.

She couldn't help but smile at his cheeky expression.

Like father, like son.

She supposed that was part of the reason she loved him so much.

She sighed steadily, as she cleaned the spoon and began feeding Kaidan the mushy mix. It was strange, how little she actually knew Shepard. It wasn't that she minded about his past, after all, he couldn't change it anymore than Kaidan could fix his own fever. What made her angry, and more than a little hurt, was the fact that he didn't tell her.

The fact that he had a brother was obviously a very emotional subject for him, but you would expect there to be a certain level of trust, of sharing, between them. Enough for him to let her in.

Knowing him, he probably didn't tell her because he thought it would hurt her, or drive her away. That was probably a reminder of what had happened on Horizon. When she had turned him away. But becoming a wife and a mother had changed her. She wasn't the same person she was back then.

Good grief, the fact that she was even on this ship now was a sign of that.

If it had been the old Ashley, she would have taken her stuff and hopped on the next transport, waiting for Shepard to follow behind her.

But Kaidan needed his dad, and she needed her husband.

Even if he was a complete lunatic.

She had almost finished feeding Kaidan when the elevator dinged outside the room and someone banged on the door causing Kaidan to start crying again.

Annoyed, Ashley picked up Kaidan and scanned the door to open. Outside, was a breathless James and a jumpy Liara.

'Ashley. It's Shepard' Liara said.

Ashley immediately became concerned, and shifted Kaidan onto her other hip.

'What about Shepard?'

'It looks like Cerberus has attacked the conference where they were holding the speeches' James finished.

Ashley gazed at them steadily for a few seconds.

'Intel?' she questioned.

Liara shook her head.

'None so far. We don't even know who their target is, there are a lot of influential people in that room. We can't get any scans, they haven't sent out any demands and the infiltration teams C-Sec has sent in were decimated.'

'Then how do we even know its Cerberus?'

'Security managed to shoot some of them down. They have the insignia and match the armour.'

Ashley considered what they had told her. Before, when she had found out about the explosion she had been scared of her mind. But that was because she couldn't do anything.

That wasn't going to be the case this time.

'Right' she said her face set and determined. She marched into the elevator, flanked by Liara and James.

'Were was it being held?' she asked pressing the button for the cargo hold.

James and Liara gave each other a look.

'The Eressia Hotel' Liara answered as the elevator stopped and Ashley marched out towards the armoury.

'Here' she said turning around placing Kaidan in James' unprepared arms, before turning and rummaging through a container. She stopped and pulled out bits of her old Phoenix Armour.

She grimaced at the pink and white colour, but then shrugged.

Beggars can't be choosers.

'Errr... Ashley? What do you think you're doing?' James asked, holding Kaidan awkwardly in his arms.

She turned to him, her hair already place in a rushed bun.

'What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going in. We left on such short notice, the only armour I had in Vancouver was my old set from my Gunnery Chief days. But it was better than nothing. Why do you think I brought so much crap with me? I couldn't let Shepard see it, he would have a heart attack at the thought of me going back out into the field.'

'I think I'm going to have a heart attack' James muttered.

She shot him a steady look.

'What James? Did you think I was just going to sit up here, while all 'active' soldiers ran around firing guns? I'm here because my husband, whether he thinks so or not, needs me.'

James hesitated before continuing.

'No offence L.C, but you haven't been in the field since the baby was born-'

'Don't even try to pull that crap Lieutenant. I may not be a hot shot N7, and a new mum, but that doesn't mean that I don't know how to handle myself. I'm an Alliance soldier, it's in my blood. And I am a SPECTRE, so don't even think about trying to stop me.'

She grabbed a set of guns and strapped them onto her armour.

James turned to her with an angry expression.

'And who is supposed to look after Kaidan while you're gone huh? What if something happens to you?'

She kissed Kaidan on the head, before walking back into the elevator.

'Nothing will happen to me. As for who will look after Kaidan... I'm sure they must have covered childcare during N7 training. Oh, and by the way... he needs to be changed'

The elevator door closed before he could reply.

He turned to Liara, a pleading expression on his face. She shook her head quickly, a wry grin playing at the corner of her mouth.

'Your cute James, but not that cute. I think I'll go and help with the background research into the attack' she finished, walking off and pressing the elevator button to return.

When it did, she stepped inside.

'I wouldn't worry about Ashley James, she can handle herself.'

The doors closed, and James peered down at Kaidan who was grinning up at him evilly.

'You're not going to make this easy on me are you?'

Kaidan just giggled.

* * *

Ashley arrived to chaos. The whole hotel was surrounded by C-Sec. Blaring sirens and flashing lights. She made her way to what appeared to be the command centre, where a stressed Commander Bailey, a turian man Ashley recognised as General Amicus, two humans Ashley didn't know and a salarian man all in combat armour surrounded around what looked like a holographic projection of the hotel.

She walked towards them, interrupting what looked like a planned strike ops on the hotel.

'... and then we send in Teams Relan and Mikav through the balustrades here and here.'

Commander Bailey stopped, noticing Ashley's presence.

The two humans saluted at the sight of her and moved forward to introduce themselves.

'Major Andrew Winston ma'am, and this is First Leutenant Anna Churchill' he indicated the woman to his right.

'We're the newest SPECTRE's' she finished with a light Irish accent.

She pondered them for a moment.

'Winston and Churchill huh?'

The both grinned identically.

The salarian man moved himself forward and bowed his head towards Ashley.

'Eigor Bau, at your service Lieutenant Commander Shepard'

She nodded in greeting and turned with a grim face towards the general and the commander.

'What exactly is the situation gentleman?'

Both men gave each other a look, before Bailey began to explain.

'As it stands, three attempted strikes to take back the hotel have failed. We know its Cerberus, but their appeared to be another smaller body working with them with unknown insignias. We haven't been able to discern how many people have been killed or hurt, but one of my infiltrators managed to set a, so far, undetected camera in the corridor leading into the main conference room.'

'So we have someone on the inside?' she questioned but Bailey grimly shook his head.

'They've been throwing the bodies of the officers out of the fifth floor windows. His body was one of them.'

Ashley gazed at the hologram.

'Do we know any reason why they've attacked? Or who they are targeting?'

Major Winston stepped forward.

'The SPECTRE's were assigned to researching into Cerberus by Councillor Michaels, we think that the target is Commander Shepard himself given their apparent interest in seeing him dead. But we don't know for sure. They got in through the security team, they had several moles placed inside and were able to overcome them and take the hotel.'

She nodded again. This operation must of been planned out for weeks, if that was the case, Cerberus must have been very patient with their moles, waiting for exactly the right time to strike. Either that, or Shepard being here at all was a mere coincidence.

But from what Shepard had told the ground team, Cerberus appeared to have insiders in the New Alliance's intelligence networks. It wouldn't be hard to assume that they had agents inside C-Sec, and possibly the SPECTRE's as well.

'So what were you planning to do?' she questioned.

The general spoke for the time, his low voice humming in rising harmonics.

'We have been going over the blueprints of the building and we think that we have found two weak points that we can exploit.'

He zoomed in on two points on the building, highlighted red.

'Here and here, thermo-image scans have picked up little movement, and patrols from the insurgents are spaced far enough apart that the two teams can get in fast without detection, and hopefully find and unlock the jammers that have been put up to block communications. Then maybe a strike team can get in, and hopefully, recover what is left of the people inside.'

Ashley concentrated on the balconies where the two strikes were planned.

They were close, too close, to the main conference room for the patrols to be that infrequent. Either Cerberus had killed everyone, they had moved them to a different area or it was a trap.

And since it was unlikely that they would still be in the building if everyone was dead, and the thermo-scans clearly indicated a mass grouping of people within the hall that left only...

'Scrap it' she said determinedly focusing her attention back on the General.

'It's what they expect.'

The General's mandibles flared and Bailey looked uncomfortable, but Bau was nodding sagely.

'Yes. I myself would find it a highly irregular and unprofessional move for Cerberus to undertake. Amateurs, they are not.'

He waved his arm over the highlighted areas.

'The patrols are too close to the hostage area, to be that sporadic. I think it is a trap, to draw our attention away from something else.'

'We don't have time to discuss this! Getting the hostages out should be the main priority here!' the General exclaimed.

'I completely agree General, which is why I would advise you away from this course of action' Ashley finished calmly.

The General shot Ashley a look, and appeared ready to argue, but instead took a deep breath and calmed himself.

'Very well, what is your alternative suggestion?'

Ashley studied the map for a few more minutes. The hotel was strategically, a brilliant place to hold against an invading force. It had five floors, but no roof access. The person who had designed it had placed a cylinder like cone in place of a roof, with only on small two man entrance balcony and a single door into the building.

The only other options were as the General said, the balconies and ledges running along all four walls of at every level. But they were all heavily guarded, or conveniently unguarded, and any orbital assault would probably destabilise the whole building.

But the map seemed to have a glitch. On the ground level, there existed a shadow dip in the plans, that couldn't possibly be supported by the building.

'What's that?' she questioned pointing at the flaw in the design.

Churchill leaned in squinting at the glitch.

'These plans must have been updated at some point, but the architect overlooked the grid here.'

She leaned in scanning over the area with her omni-tool. A series of loud beeps followed, before an almost identical set of blueprints appeared next to the current hologram.

Churchill continued, reading off her omni-tool.

'It seems during the Battle of the Citadel in 2183, the hotel was partially destroyed by the debris. The hotel was redesigned afterwards, which would explain the new plans.'

She zoomed in on the glitch area.

'On the older plans, it seems the hotel didn't run off the main grid, but instead had a series of portable underground, thermo-generators, that ran off the heat of the main hub in the area.'

'Underground generators?' Ashley questioned leaning in to look at the old map.

'Do you think that the old room might still be there?'

Bailey leaned in as well.

'I remember after the Battle there was a lot of trouble about people refusing to properly clear debris from areas like this. I was in charge of the inspection in this district. I remember that each holding complied with the regulations. Easiest job I had during the cleanup.'

He finished with another glance at the old plans.

'Here, you see? The old basement connects to an emergency duct. We could get a team through there, and then up into the building.'

The General spoke up, his mandibles raised thoughtfully.

'Yes... It would have to be a small team though, as to not draw their attention.'

'We volunteer.'

Ashley was surprised at the voice behind her. She turned around to see Tali, Jacob, Miranda, Grunt, Kasumi, Zaeed, Jack and Samara standing behind them.

She grinned. Typical of Shepard's team to eavesdrop.

She turned back to the contemplative General and the Commander.

'So do I' she stated firmly.

Both men looked over the team.

'I did say small Shepard. Pick three. The rest can help with the strike team or intel. I believe the old plan should still work. Get in there, and unblock their jammers. Until then, we can't help you when you're inside.' The General finished with a nod towards them while Ashley overcame her shock of being referred to as "Shepard".

'After you get your team together, I'll get someone to take you to the duct tunnels. Just a heads up, you won't be able to fit that big boy in there.' He said with a pointed glance towards Grunt, who was examining a shotgun he grabbed off one of the frightened C-Sec officers.

Ashley nodded. Eigor moved forward.

'Good luck in there. I hope Commander Shepard is still unharmed and that you succeed.'

Ashley smiled her thanks at the three SPECTRE's, as they turned back to the General and the Commander, continuing to talk.

She turned to the team, and eyed them up.

While she may not know all of them well in the field, Shepard had often engaged her in conversation about the fights and operations he had done with each of them.

'Kasumi, Jack and Zaeed.'

While she knew Jack and Zaeed were far less subtle than Tali or Miranda, she needed a biotic and heavy hitters. Plus, she hoped Kasumi's infiltration skills would more than make up for it.

She turned to the rest of the team, all of whom seemed ready to object.

Before they could argue she raised her hand, demanding silence.

'I know I'm not Shepard, and most of you have never even worked with me before, but I know what I'm doing. And if the rest of you are half as good as Shepard tells me, then I need you to work with intel and the strike team. I won't direct you were to go there, I think that much should be obvious' she finished sarcastically gesturing towards Grunt, who was eyeing up another officers pistol.

A nervous laugh ran through the group, and the infiltration team moved forward to stand with her. And just like that she felt a warm feeling go through her, as if she was going home to a family BBQ.

Admittedly one with more thermo clips.

She turned back to Bailey, interrupting him.

'Ready to go Commnder.'

He waved one of his men forward from her post.

'Sergeant, take a patrol car with these four to gridlock Alpha-Beta 233-1452. Drop them off there fast and quiet. I don't want this mission to get more complicated than it already is.'

The woman nodded and Bailey turned back to the infiltration team.

'I'm sending you all maps of the ducts and underground areas' he said firing up his omni-tool.

'Good hunting down there.' He finished.

The officer waved them forward, and they wormed their way back through the crowd. They stopped and waited while she fetched the car.

Ashley turned her head to look over the three and their weaponry.

'I see Grunt wasn't the only one to steal some guns.'

They all just smiled at her, Jack speaking up.

'What? You gonna sit us in the naughty corner boss lady?'

Ashley quickly grabbed the pistol Jack was holding loosely in her hand.

Jack jumped back, her biotics flaring in caution, but Ashley paid her no mind examining the weapon. With a satisfied hum she slung her own pistol back at Jack, before strapping Jack's to her side.

'Nah. Just wanted to see if you had a better gun then my piece of crap.' She finished before climbing into the arrived patrol car.

Jack let out a laugh.

'Shepard did good when he picked you up lady.'

As the car took off, Ashley allowed her chest to tighten for the first time that night.

What if Shepard...

She shook her head.

Shepard wouldn't be dead. After all, he still had a lot of grovelling to do.

And damned if she wasn't going to enjoy watching him do it.

* * *

They had him tied to a chair.

Because the snipers missed, Garrus and he had been able to kill five assault troopers just with glass and their hands. But eventually, they had been tackled to the ground.

Garrus was dragged to one corner of the room, with all the remaining people who were still alive. The councillors were all there, Councillor Michael's faces punched puffy, and holding a wounded shoulder.

The assault troopers didn't take Shepard to the same corner, but instead dragged him out through the corridor and into another room. Bound, blindfoolded and gagged, the only sound he heard was Garrus' distant yelling.

'Where did you take him!'

SMACK!

'Shut up! Shut the fuck up!'

SMACK! SMACK!

Shepard strained his ears, and was reward with a low groan he recognized as Garrus'.

'Fucking metal heads...'

Since then, Shepard could here only the sound of people moving around him. Dragging things, lifting and electrical sparking.

When he didn't hear anything for a while, he started to strain on his restraints, but they wouldn't budge.

'Still tryin' to find away to crawl your fucking ass outta the shit Jarryd.'

His head grew still. He knew that voice.

'What? Did you reckon I'd be dead by now? No longer able to come back and haunt you? No such luck eh?'

A hand roughly removed his blindfold, and Shepard got his first look around the room he was in. It was small, and black backdrops ran across the walls. Stage lights and a camera were unlit, but pointing at him.

'Like our little production set do you?'

Shepard turned to the source of the voice, and his eyes locked with the large hulking man behind the camera grinning at him.

Erik.

'That's right. It's me, your old boss Erik.'

He moved around the lights and leaned into face Shepard. His bad breath hitting him like a wave.

'But I work for Cerberus now.'

Shepard kept his eyes glued to the serrated knife Erik had at his belt. If he could just...

'And this my friend' Erik said patting the camera.

'Is your redemption'

Shepard gazed at the camera confused.

Erik chuckled.

'Oh no! Not yet! You see we have jammers up, so no signal can get in or out of this building. That's to stop the idiots at C-Sec successfully mounting an assault. But you see, we need to take those jammers down in order to broadcast. So we set up a little trap, to... distract them while we hold the breaking news live!' He finished with a chortle.

'Well? Would do ya think? Oh, forgot'

He leaned down again and pulled of the gag.

Shepard worked his jaw for a moment, before answering.

'If you plan to broadcast my death, then why did you try to kill me?'

'What?' Erik laughed 'Those snipers? Tranq darts my friend. It would have been a lot easier, and five men wouldn't be dead'

Erik leaned in with a scowl.

'But you'll be making up for that.'

Shepard watched as the man pulled out his knife, and began playing with it.

'I'm a N7 Erik. Nothing you do will make me say anything to further your cause.'

For the first time Erik looked shocked, and then realised a walrus like howl of laughter.

'No, no Shepard. You got it all wrong. This isn't about torture or coercion, this is about the truth.'

'Whose truth!' Shepard yelled 'Your truth!'

Erik let out a dangerous growl, before a sly grin came across his face.

'We killed him you know'

Shepard's face paled involuntarily. Garrus...

'Yeah, after you ditched Cerberus the Illusive Man sent teams to find him, with the help of the Reds.'

Shepard shot him a blank stare.

What the hell was he talking about?

'Oh yeah. You forgot about him didn't you? Didn't think your little addict brother was going to attract much attention eh? But the Illusive Man found him.'

No... It can't be.

Erik laughed again at Shepard's distressed face.

'Oh yeah we got him. I was there when his screams shook the halls. They pumped him full of everything from thresher acid, to undiluted krogan piss.'

A single tear escape Shepard's eye. Erik jumped on it like a vulture.

'And you know what?' he whispered.

'His last words were about how much he hated you.'

Shepard shook his head.

'You're lying.' He spat out.

Erik hit him, his head slamming back into the chair.

'Oh yeah? Well then how is it that I know what really happened at the factory that night?'

Shepard gazed up at him, a look of terror crossing his face.

'Yeah, that's right. I know it was you who called the police. Isaac told me everything'

Shepard let his tears loose. They rolled down his face.

Erik snarled.

'Thats right! How does it feel, knowing that soon everyone will know that the great Commander Shepard, is a murderer. You killed those people as surely as if you had shot them Jarryd!'

Erik paused in his tirade, leaning in close to whisper in Shepard's ear.

'You're responsible for Isaac's death, just like you're responsible for Daniel's.'

Shepard's eyes snapped to his, a child all over again.

Erik nodded plainly.

'You, my friend, killed both your brothers.'

_The door was shaking. Thump thump thump! Their mother's body was still lying there, and this was the first time anyone had touched the door since she had fallen. _

_'Jay! Izzy! Are you in there?'_

_The boys didn't answer. Jay kept whispering to his brother. _

_'I'll protect you, I'll protect you.'_

_Suddenly the door crashed open._

_Daniel looked into the room, his gaze panicked. He looked over the dead body of their mother and moved his gaze to the two boys. He flung himself forward, falling to his knees and encircled both boys in his arms. They clung to him weakly, both starting to cry._

_Daniel gently touched Isaac's closed cut, and kissed Jarryd's forehead, before lifting Isaac up and taking Jarryd by the hand out of the room._

_'You're going to stay with me now okay?' he said directing Jarryd down the stairs._

_'I'm going to make sure, nothing bad ever happens again.'_

Shepard's head slumped forward exhauste while Erik laughed at the sight.

It was his fault.

All his fault.

And it always was his fault.

* * *

_**Oh my lord! I don't think even I expected that! Hit those buttons people! Tell me what you think!**_


End file.
